Stages Of Heartbreak

Heartbreak is one of those things you have to ride out. You don't know how long it's going to last, you only know it's going to be one hell of a ride. I would rather hurt my ankle instead of dealing with the emotions and pain that comes with getting your heart broke. Let's not forget the added on feelings if you were cheated on or betrayed. Every girl handles breakup in different ways. You may hit the club with your girls, over eat, or listen to music that sums up how you're feeling.  There is no rule book on getting over heartbreak. Everyone loves differently. The stages of breakup are pretty much universal. There is the flexing, denial stage. The mad stage where you constantly replay everything negative that lead up to it. Then the worse stage, sadness.

The flexing stage is normally my first stage of breakup. I'm telling myself " You can do better", he didn't deserve you".  Pretty much being in denial of what happen. Trying to hide my feelings. It's funny because our friends who know us well hate this stage. They know you are only bluffing because you are hurt.

I normally use humor to hide pain. That first stage of a heartbreak is pretty much a big front. Your friends know it too. They will normally play along or call you out on it.

Next stage is normally day 2. This is normally the mad stage. You constantly replay the events, or argument in your mind getting more angry by the second. It may be "Why did he do this, Why didn't he fight for me?" Everything is a why! Depends on the type of break up, we women normal lash out at the guy  This is the stage where you are confused as to why, and how did you and the guy you loved get to this point.

Next stage is the longest stage of them all. The sad stage of a heartbreak is when reality sets in. "Its Over!" You really know how much you really loved a person when you get to this stage. For me a lot of nights become sleepless because I am up crying. My mind is completely off, and I am totally a mess emotionally. If the breakup did not involve cheating or scandal I normally find myself looking at pictures, reading old texts. It makes me feel better reminiscing on the good times. Then I realize that it's over. For some of you who were betrayed you may get rid of those pictures and text. When you are betrayed you want nothing else to do with him, which is understandable. That sad stage can last for weeks or months. All you want is your baby, but you have now faced reality and it will hurt..

The best way to get over heartbreak is allow time to go by.  If you love a person I always suggest following your heart. But if you did everything and you are tired of fighting you have to allow time to pass by and move on .  It is easy to fall in love but hard to fall out. I use to date soon after a break up, but realized I hurt a lot of guys by leading them on. People love to suggest to move on quickly, but if you really was in love, you wont even allow yourself to do that.  Focus on you and your life. I always say, if it was really meant to be, you would be together. As time goes by, your heart will start to heal, it may leave a bruise but you will be okay.

The Clock Is Ticking: The Pressures Of Turning 30

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves when thirty is approaching? Or shall I rephrase that question. Why does society put so much pressure on us when it comes to turning thirty? I myself have been feeling the pressures that comes with it. I am not thirty yet but I will be turning 

September 28 and I must admit this birthday doesn't feel like others. Its the reality that in three years I will be thirty years old. I remember telling my best friend "Wow I am now the old bitch in the club". I won't lie to you all and say that I did not let society's stigma of being married with kids by the age of thirty get to me. I always thought that by thirty I would be married with 4 kids living a happy life raising a big family. Let's just say I got at least one kid out the way.

Normally I would spend my birthdays out partying with friends getting drunk. This birthday I only want to reflect and enjoy me time. I'm at that point where quality time is peaceful. I was talking to someone I love who has already experience the transition of turning thirty. The advice they gave really put in perspective what I feel and what many of you may be feeling. He said,

"Birthdays have a way of putting shit in perspective because we sit back and think to ourselves like when we were younger we pictured our lives being at a different level or point. That tends to make one look at their current place in life unsatisfied. Feeling you can do better, but have come up short. When in all honesty we do what was meant when it's meant. It takes time for your purpose to come clear.

You have to live this mfcka with the thought that everyday is just to better equip you for what lies ahead"

 What he said was really on point because that is exactly what big birthdays such as thirty does to you. Not feeling as if you have done enough or accomplished what you set out to accomplish.

I remember reading a article where a actress talked about how she spent so much money trying to keep up with the appearance of twenty one year olds and how the movie industry, her agents and parents put so much pressure on her because she was twenty nine approaching thirty. Society has made us feel that our life is over once we turn thirty.

I had a epiphany one night. Age does not define who we are. What matters is using our twenties to make mistakes, learn and grow from it. Not use it to worry about whether we have accomplished everything by thirty. What matters is our happiness, our health and self love. So what if you haven't got where you wanted in your career. Ask yourself are you at least working towards it? So what if you don't have a husband. Ask yourself why is a man needed to justify your life? Great things take time. No matter when it happens whether at twenty five or thirty five, it will happen.

Wasted Times

The biggest regret I have is wasting my youth years with guys who made it clear they didn't love me or want me. I'm sure many of us wish we could get that time back. 

Lets take the Petty Queen Mariah Carey who won her lawsuit against her ex billionaire fiance James Packer. He had to pay her a  “inconvenience fee” for pretty much wasting her time.  If you could sue a ex for playing with your feelings and leading you on, would you?

I do believe that every bad or good situation is a lesson. What sucks is finally meeting your soul mate and wishing you would have met them sooner. Feeling like damn I could of gave all this love to the right man. Maybe the universe wasn't ready for you and that guy to meet. Looking back on your past it sure does feel like a big waste of time you could of spent with the right guy. Truthfully I feel like that now. The great part is finding someone who appreciates all the things someone else didn't.

You can't let life past you by waiting on someone to get right. You will miss out on the right one chasing that wrong one.  Check out some ways to tell you're wasting your time.

. No effort: If  a guy puts no effort into seeing you, to be with you or making things better in the relationship he doesn't care. If you have to constantly tell him why you are unhappy and he doesn't try to make things better, just leave. You have wasted your time enough. 

. Commitment: I had to teach myself if he really wanted you, he would make you his girlfriend or wife. A guy who can't figure out If he wants a relationship with you after 3 months of dating is only stringing you along. He will literally keep it that way if you don't boss up and walk away. Don't spend a year with someone who can't figure out if they want you like I did. It will leave you heartbroken for no reason. That's not rushing that's call realizing bull shit.

. Silence about the future: I have noticed this a lot lately. Men who don't want a future with you avoid those topics. 

 5 years in a relationship and he is still avoiding the marriage conversation.. just leave.

 Sometimes Friends Sometimes Lovers: This one is a major one. Guys who want boyfriend treatment but like to prefer to you as the homie. Girl just pause reading this and block whoever he is.  He doesn't want you to have sex with anyone else, he wants to meet the family, have sex whenever followed by a home cooked meal...but you his homie. 

Kayla Got The 411 Podcast: Episode 13- Trust Issues

Ways to listen below.

Listen to "Episode 1: "Sidechick Predicament"" on Spreaker.

"What Does A Woman Want"

Have you ever saw a confused puzzled look on your man face? Followed by the question"What's Wrong With You". He looks so dumb doesn't he? He may have stayed out all night and didn't answer one call. So the next morning when you're giving him the cold shoulder he doesn't know what's wrong. Or you may be having dinner but he spends the entire time on his phone. When you have become annoyed by it ,he actually has the audacity to ask, what's wrong with you? Oh trust me I understand.
Women are not hard to understand, but men have a hard time understanding us . What does a woman want? If they actually payed attention to women they would understand. Let me get to the point and break it down.

The difference between a woman and a girl is a girl wants all your attention. She doesn't care that you work and have responsibilities. A woman wants to feel that you do notice her. She is busy too, but acknowledging that you thought about her throughout the day is enough for her. Women want a man to focus on her when you're spending quality time together. If  social media is more important during quality time, she could of stayed home. 

When your woman does something good all she wants is a "good job babe". She doesn't need validation don't get it twisted. She wants her man to recognize she is out here making moves and doing great things. 

Talk! Tell her how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Ignoring her is the quickest way to get under her skin. If she did something that bothers you or hurt you just tell her. Women have no problem telling you why we are mad.. This thing where men are suppose to shut up is a old age thing our grandparents use to do. 

Put some respect on our feelings, our time, and our commitment to you. Respect is not only about talking to her in a respectful manner. Respect means not embarrassing her because you want to entertain other women. Respect her feelings and how she may feel. 

This is a big one. Do you want her or do you not. Its that simple. Commit to her. Drop your others and commit to her and only her. Telling the world who she is so that its really real. Take the relationship serious. If you're not ready to commit ,we would rather you leave us the hell alone. No time for games. 

Men don't listen. You can send a 4 page letter on why you're feeling how you're feeling, and he responds with "What"?

If they listened and was fair in understanding you, their life would be much easier. If a woman tells her man "I miss you, I wish I could see you", understand she actually miss you so do something about it. 

Take charge. No woman wants to wear the skirt and suit in a relationship.  Plan things for her and let her know. Women love when a man makes plans without getting her approval first.