Monday, February 4, 2019

Flaws & All

One of my favorite songs is the Beyonce song "flaws & all".She has a line where she says:

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
.I'm a puzzle, yes, indeed 

No one in this world is perfect. We all are imperfect which makes us all unique and special. The moment I became a woman was when I was able to see my own flaws. Its easy to point out others flaws but can you notice your own. For example my biggest flaw is using humor in serious situations. I tend to laugh or make jokes to hide my hurt or anger. It took me a long time to realize I did that. That's one flaw I don't know if it will ever go away. My ex use to call me a ass hole because in heated arguments I would say something sarcastic and mean. I truly come off as not taking things serious when I do. 

Another flaw of mines is the need to search & look into things. You really can hurt your own damn feelings by digging into things. Its almost like a self sabotaging thing. The feeling of "This is too good to be true". If its a good thing I always feel the need to investigate and find the flaw. But what I am doing is a flaw in itself. This is what I am working hard to stop doing.

The part of growth is realizing the good qualities about yourself and also the not so good qualities. If anyone is looking for that perfect person, I'm here to tell you. 

Ask yourself what your good qualities are but also what are your flaws. The thing I have learned is people try to use your flaws against you. Be aware of who you are. Either own it, or make changes.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Valentines Day Curse 💓

Hello people! This is the first blog post of 2019. I have written for years and for the first time in my life I got writers block. Literally I set at my laptop stuck, and not knowing the first word to type. I had to step away and observe and come back once creativity hit me again. Dammit I am back, so let's get into this post:

Every year valentines day comes around and I use to truly dread it. Going into stores seeing those big dumb teddy bears, the half dead flowers, and the overpriced boxes of chocolates. Why, well let me explain myself before you think I'm just hating. 

So I am cursed, maybe! Yes, don't laugh. I use to think I had a valentine's day curse. I know some of you feel like every time Valentines day comes around, something goes wrong. Literally every boyfriend I have ever had has ruined that day for me. I recall once being in high school and my boyfriend went all day without getting me sh*t or even saying happy Valentine's day. All while every other girl was smiling because their boyfriends got them gifts. While I was watching the clock waiting on some type of acknowledgement from my loser senior boyfriend. Later in the day, this fool handed me a small box of chocolate from the dollar store and said "You eat these"?

That's just one valentines day I have time to speak off. Girls why do we make such a big deal of having a valentine on February 14?  I believe it's the one day everyone gets to flex & show that they have someone who loves them. That's not healthy or normal. We should want someone to love us and show us their love 365 days of the year. Guys go out and spend so much money just to prove to their girl "I DO LOVE YOU". So what happens on February 15? Will she still feel that way? Will he continue wooing her? Reality is there is no valentines day curse. We just have not found the right man to romance us, and show use the love we deserve, not just on February 14. I believe now that valentines day should
 just be a bonus day for couples to show their love for one another, just a bit more than usual. Those big teddy bears, flowers, and chocolates does not prove a person loves you. Yes, it is a nice gesture but this is not needed for you to feel loved.  One thing I promised myself was to focus on the love and not the materialistic things when I get into a relationship. Being older and mature now , substance in a relationship means more to me. Because what will happen is you will be in a toxic relationship and wait for that one day out of the year just to feel special by a guy who should of being doing that the other 364 days of the year!

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Impeach 45th President- Sign Petition

With a majority in the House, Democrats can initiate impeachment proceedings against Donald Trump. He has admitted his campaign conspired with the Russian government to get elected, failed in his duty as Commander in Chief to defend our democracy, takes money from foreign governments daily, actively obstructs justice, and thinks he is above the law. We need to keep the pressure on Congress to impeach: Sign on now.

Friday, November 2, 2018

Stages Of Heartbreak

Heartbreak is one of those things you have to ride out. You don't know how long it's going to last, you only know it's going to be one hell of a ride. I would rather hurt my ankle instead of dealing with the emotions and pain that comes with getting your heart broke. Let's not forget the added on feelings if you were cheated on or betrayed. Every girl handles breakup in different ways. You may hit the club with your girls, over eat, or listen to music that sums up how you're feeling.  There is no rule book on getting over heartbreak. Everyone loves differently. The stages of breakup are pretty much universal. There is the flexing, denial stage. The mad stage where you constantly replay everything negative that lead up to it. Then the worse stage, sadness.

The flexing stage is normally my first stage of breakup. I'm telling myself " You can do better", he didn't deserve you".  Pretty much being in denial of what happen. Trying to hide my feelings. It's funny because our friends who know us well hate this stage. They know you are only bluffing because you are hurt.

I normally use humor to hide pain. That first stage of a heartbreak is pretty much a big front. Your friends know it too. They will normally play along or call you out on it.

Next stage is normally day 2. This is normally the mad stage. You constantly replay the events, or argument in your mind getting more angry by the second. It may be "Why did he do this, Why didn't he fight for me?" Everything is a why! Depends on the type of break up, we women normal lash out at the guy  This is the stage where you are confused as to why, and how did you and the guy you loved get to this point.

Next stage is the longest stage of them all. The sad stage of a heartbreak is when reality sets in. "Its Over!" You really know how much you really loved a person when you get to this stage. For me a lot of nights become sleepless because I am up crying. My mind is completely off, and I am totally a mess emotionally. If the breakup did not involve cheating or scandal I normally find myself looking at pictures, reading old texts. It makes me feel better reminiscing on the good times. Then I realize that it's over. For some of you who were betrayed you may get rid of those pictures and text. When you are betrayed you want nothing else to do with him, which is understandable. That sad stage can last for weeks or months. All you want is your baby, but you have now faced reality and it will hurt..

The best way to get over heartbreak is allow time to go by.  If you love a person I always suggest following your heart. But if you did everything and you are tired of fighting you have to allow time to pass by and move on .  It is easy to fall in love but hard to fall out. I use to date soon after a break up, but realized I hurt a lot of guys by leading them on. People love to suggest to move on quickly, but if you really was in love, you wont even allow yourself to do that.  Focus on you and your life. I always say, if it was really meant to be, you would be together. As time goes by, your heart will start to heal, it may leave a bruise but you will be okay.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

The Clock Is Ticking: The Pressures Of Turning 30

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves when thirty is approaching? Or shall I rephrase that question. Why does society put so much pressure on us when it comes to turning thirty? I myself have been feeling the pressures that comes with it. I am not thirty yet but I will be turning 

September 28 and I must admit this birthday doesn't feel like others. Its the reality that in three years I will be thirty years old. I remember telling my best friend "Wow I am now the old bitch in the club". I won't lie to you all and say that I did not let society's stigma of being married with kids by the age of thirty get to me. I always thought that by thirty I would be married with 4 kids living a happy life raising a big family. Let's just say I got at least one kid out the way.
Normally I would spend my birthdays out partying with friends getting drunk. This birthday I only want to reflect and enjoy me time. I'm at that point where quality time is peaceful. I was talking to someone I love who has already experience the transition of turning thirty. The advice they gave really put in perspective what I feel and what many of you may be feeling. He said,

"Birthdays have a way of putting shit in perspective because we sit back and think to ourselves like when we were younger we pictured our lives being at a different level or point. That tends to make one look at their current place in life unsatisfied. Feeling you can do better, but have come up short. When in all honesty we do what was meant when it's meant. It takes time for your purpose to come clear.

You have to live this mfcka with the thought that everyday is just to better equip you for what lies ahead"

 What he said was really on point because that is exactly what big birthdays such as thirty does to you. Not feeling as if you have done enough or accomplished what you set out to accomplish.

I remember reading a article where a actress talked about how she spent so much money trying to keep up with the appearance of twenty one year olds and how the movie industry, her agents and parents put so much pressure on her because she was twenty nine approaching thirty. Society has made us feel that our life is over once we turn thirty.

I had a epiphany one night. Age does not define who we are. What matters is using our twenties to make mistakes, learn and grow from it. Not use it to worry about whether we have accomplished everything by thirty. What matters is our happiness, our health and self love. So what if you haven't got where you wanted in your career. Ask yourself are you at least working towards it? So what if you don't have a husband. Ask yourself why is a man needed to justify your life? Great things take time. No matter when it happens whether at twenty five or thirty five, it will happen.