Monday, June 10, 2019

Trust Issues

You may hear people jokingly say "I got trust issues". Normally when I say it people never really take it serious until a incident happens. Any of you who struggle with trust may know the feeling of always being anxious. Or always feeling like somebody is trying to hurt you. Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves.

Then you have those people who are in denial. They don't believe they have trust issues but they can never fully give a person their all, or in fear of being taken advantage of. Here are some serious signs of trust issues.

  1. You always assume someone is out to hurt you, or get you. No matter what they do. You have negative thoughts in your mind about them. Even without them actually betraying you.
  2. You are overly protective. Every good thing in your life, you self sabotage it, out of fear of getting hurt.
  3. You distance yourself from getting to know people. The easiest way you avoid getting hurt is staying to yourself.
  4. You don't easily forgive. Once a person crosses you, they are done for life. Even if you are unsure you still cut them off just to make sure.
  5. You look for the bad. People with trust issues always seem to look for the bad before it begins. It's a way to stop the bad from happening before it begins.

People who don't struggle with trust never fully can understand a person with trust issues. You can feel sometimes hurt by being judged or misunderstood for your actions. Betrayal is a life damaging thing, especially when its done by a spouse, friend or family member. That deep hurt follows you and never seems to leave. Your mission is to never allow anyone to hurt you again. Its like constantly walking around with a bullet proof vest on your heart.

My trust issues run deep going back to my child hood. Having everyone around me constantly lie to me. Then it lead into toxic relationships. Where  men lied so much, then tried to cover the lies up. I would fall for the lies all over again. I remember spending 4 years with a guy who lied so much about his cheating. I was so dumb I would actually believe that those girls who wrote me saying "he my man" were actually lying and trying to break us up...

I recall on our 4th year this one particular girl came into the picture.

You can read more about this situation here: karma-is-btch .

I kept asking him was he messing with her. He denied it. I remember crying to him and he literally looked me in my eyes and said she was lying. I remember I told the girl send me proof, because I don't believe you. I woke up with a message from her. She sent me a picture of her sitting on his lap at his sister house in her living room. Yes y'all, a picture of them together.

I called him right after going the hell off. I remember balling in tears, and he still was denying it. His entire family had even lied to me when I would ask them. These people smiled in my face but knew all along. They would call me "sis". That man took all the trust I had when we broke up. Each guy I dated I would investigate them just to protect myself before catching feelings. Soon as I found something questionable I would end it. Then I went though a stage not even dating for a while. It was my way of trying to avoid possible getting hurt again. All the signs of, TRUST ISSUES!

People who have trust issues normally ruin good opportunities out of fear. Getting over this is not easy. I still struggle with it, but I am learning that you have to find someone worthy and can prove that everyone is not the same. To conquer those trust issues you will need a strong support system. Trust means putting confidence into someone or something. Also building self esteem in yourself can help overcome this. Most of all having confidence in yourself. Take all those bad situations and trust your instincts. We know the signs now, let's make better decisions on who we allow in our life. I'm not saying we will never possibly get hurt again,just be fearless and take a risk in order to find out.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Understanding The Mind Of A Man

Men are really simple but complicated at the same time. They don't want much, but what they do want they normally don't say it. Perfect example is having him text back ,OK. Men are not emotionless. They feel, and they care. Their communication is a lot different from us ladies. If he says its good, maybe its not good and you should attempt to figure out what he is thinking. Let's be honest now. Men really hold back allot to avoid arguments and hurting our feelings. I have gathered some ways to help us figure out exactly what they want from us.

1.To Be Left The F**k Alone

Ladies some of you really know how to push a mans buttons. Your guy may work long hours or he is busy. You may be wondering why he is so quite. Its because he needs time alone. All day long he is hearing from you, and probably not pleasant things. So when you finally see him, he appears to have a attitude. He just wants a day or few hours to be left alone. Men need quality time to themselves too. Pay attention to his lack of engagement in a conversation. Some women want to be under a guy 24/7. He had a life before you, and its important you both have have individuality. He still cares about you but maybe you're starting to smother him. He probably wont tell you that because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So back off give him a night with the boys.

2. Step Inside His World

Most men are heavy into sports. Sometimes guys want you to try the things they're passionate about. Every time he watches ESPN you probably complain. Instead of complaining join him a few times and try to learn the game. Whatever his skill or passion js take interest in it. Everything doesn't always have to be about you.

3. He Is Hard Up

Your guy wants you to take control and ride it like a stallion sis.

His mood swings and short patience probably means he is wanting some sexual attention from you. Instead of him initiating it, how about you take control. Now I know this may be hard especially for the ones like myself who are submissive in the bedroom. But just pay attention to the freaky remarks he says. Feed your guy sexually appetite without him having to ask you sometimes.

4. " Can I Speak Now"

When men do express their feelings, it is important to listen. You will be surprised to know how many men feel l
they can't talk to you because you don't listen. We talk to be heard, but we have to be able to listen. If you notice he doesn't engage in deep conversations or checks out. Ask yourself why? No man wants to listen to how you feel and not be able to express their feelings. Moral of the story, girl shut up and listen.

5. Keep the Peace

A lot of guys want peace. Sometimes we have baggage from previous relationships and bring it into new ones. Men don't want to constantly be arguing or questioned. It's a headache for men to even want to be around you in fear a argument will start. Try to keep the peace and let petty stuff go.

6. "There Goes My Baby"

Men love to show their girl off but you gotta be worthy of showing off. When its date night maybe get sexy for your guy. Get out the leggings and get dolled up a little more than often. Yes he loves you, but he deserves to see you in your best instead of leggings and a hair wrap. Its important to love yourself, but if you're in relationship, remember to take care of his needs too.