Friday, November 2, 2018

Stages Of Heartbreak

Heartbreak is one of those things you have to ride out. You don't know how long it's going to last, you only know it's going to be one hell of a ride. I would rather hurt my ankle instead of dealing with the emotions and pain that comes with getting your heart broke. Let's not forget the added on feelings if you were cheated on or betrayed. Every girl handles breakup in different ways. You may hit the club with your girls, over eat, or listen to music that sums up how you're feeling.  There is no rule book on getting over heartbreak. Everyone loves differently. The stages of breakup are pretty much universal. There is the flexing, denial stage. The mad stage where you constantly replay everything negative that lead up to it. Then the worse stage, sadness.

The flexing stage is normally my first stage of breakup. I'm telling myself " You can do better", he didn't deserve you".  Pretty much being in denial of what happen. Trying to hide my feelings. It's funny because our friends who know us well hate this stage. They know you are only bluffing because you are hurt.

I normally use humor to hide pain. That first stage of a heartbreak is pretty much a big front. Your friends know it too. They will normally play along or call you out on it.

Next stage is normally day 2. This is normally the mad stage. You constantly replay the events, or argument in your mind getting more angry by the second. It may be "Why did he do this, Why didn't he fight for me?" Everything is a why! Depends on the type of break up, we women normal lash out at the guy  This is the stage where you are confused as to why, and how did you and the guy you loved get to this point.

Next stage is the longest stage of them all. The sad stage of a heartbreak is when reality sets in. "Its Over!" You really know how much you really loved a person when you get to this stage. For me a lot of nights become sleepless because I am up crying. My mind is completely off, and I am totally a mess emotionally. If the breakup did not involve cheating or scandal I normally find myself looking at pictures, reading old texts. It makes me feel better reminiscing on the good times. Then I realize that it's over. For some of you who were betrayed you may get rid of those pictures and text. When you are betrayed you want nothing else to do with him, which is understandable. That sad stage can last for weeks or months. All you want is your baby, but you have now faced reality and it will hurt..

The best way to get over heartbreak is allow time to go by.  If you love a person I always suggest following your heart. But if you did everything and you are tired of fighting you have to allow time to pass by and move on .  It is easy to fall in love but hard to fall out. I use to date soon after a break up, but realized I hurt a lot of guys by leading them on. People love to suggest to move on quickly, but if you really was in love, you wont even allow yourself to do that.  Focus on you and your life. I always say, if it was really meant to be, you would be together. As time goes by, your heart will start to heal, it may leave a bruise but you will be okay.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

The Clock Is Ticking: The Pressures Of Turning 30

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves when thirty is approaching? Or shall I rephrase that question. Why does society put so much pressure on us when it comes to turning thirty? I myself have been feeling the pressures that comes with it. I am not thirty yet but I will be turning 

September 28 and I must admit this birthday doesn't feel like others. Its the reality that in three years I will be thirty years old. I remember telling my best friend "Wow I am now the old bitch in the club". I won't lie to you all and say that I did not let society's stigma of being married with kids by the age of thirty get to me. I always thought that by thirty I would be married with 4 kids living a happy life raising a big family. Let's just say I got at least one kid out the way.
Normally I would spend my birthdays out partying with friends getting drunk. This birthday I only want to reflect and enjoy me time. I'm at that point where quality time is peaceful. I was talking to someone I love who has already experience the transition of turning thirty. The advice they gave really put in perspective what I feel and what many of you may be feeling. He said,

"Birthdays have a way of putting shit in perspective because we sit back and think to ourselves like when we were younger we pictured our lives being at a different level or point. That tends to make one look at their current place in life unsatisfied. Feeling you can do better, but have come up short. When in all honesty we do what was meant when it's meant. It takes time for your purpose to come clear.

You have to live this mfcka with the thought that everyday is just to better equip you for what lies ahead"

 What he said was really on point because that is exactly what big birthdays such as thirty does to you. Not feeling as if you have done enough or accomplished what you set out to accomplish.

I remember reading a article where a actress talked about how she spent so much money trying to keep up with the appearance of twenty one year olds and how the movie industry, her agents and parents put so much pressure on her because she was twenty nine approaching thirty. Society has made us feel that our life is over once we turn thirty.

I had a epiphany one night. Age does not define who we are. What matters is using our twenties to make mistakes, learn and grow from it. Not use it to worry about whether we have accomplished everything by thirty. What matters is our happiness, our health and self love. So what if you haven't got where you wanted in your career. Ask yourself are you at least working towards it? So what if you don't have a husband. Ask yourself why is a man needed to justify your life? Great things take time. No matter when it happens whether at twenty five or thirty five, it will happen.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Wasted Times

The biggest regret I have is wasting my youth years with guys who made it clear they didn't love me or want me. I'm sure many of us wish we could get that time back. 

Lets take the Petty Queen Mariah Carey who won her lawsuit against her ex billionaire fiance James Packer. He had to pay her a  “inconvenience fee” for pretty much wasting her time.  If you could sue a ex for playing with your feelings and leading you on, would you?

I do believe that every bad or good situation is a lesson. What sucks is finally meeting your soul mate and wishing you would have met them sooner. Feeling like damn I could of gave all this love to the right man. Maybe the universe wasn't ready for you and that guy to meet. Looking back on your past it sure does feel like a big waste of time you could of spent with the right guy. Truthfully I feel like that now. The great part is finding someone who appreciates all the things someone else didn't.

You can't let life past you by waiting on someone to get right. You will miss out on the right one chasing that wrong one.  Check out some ways to tell you're wasting your time.

. No effort: If  a guy puts no effort into seeing you, to be with you or making things better in the relationship he doesn't care. If you have to constantly tell him why you are unhappy and he doesn't try to make things better, just leave. You have wasted your time enough. 

. Commitment: I had to teach myself if he really wanted you, he would make you his girlfriend or wife. A guy who can't figure out If he wants a relationship with you after 3 months of dating is only stringing you along. He will literally keep it that way if you don't boss up and walk away. Don't spend a year with someone who can't figure out if they want you like I did. It will leave you heartbroken for no reason. That's not rushing that's call realizing bull shit.

. Silence about the future: I have noticed this a lot lately. Men who don't want a future with you avoid those topics. 
 5 years in a relationship and he is still avoiding the marriage conversation.. just leave.
 Sometimes Friends Sometimes Lovers: This one is a major one. Guys who want boyfriend treatment but like to prefer to you as the homie. Girl just pause reading this and block whoever he is.  He doesn't want you to have sex with anyone else, he wants to meet the family, have sex whenever followed by a home cooked meal...but you his homie. 

Sunday, July 29, 2018

"What Do Women Want"

Have you ever saw a confused puzzled look on your man face? Followed by the question"What's Wrong With You". He looks so dumb doesn't he? He may have stayed out all night and didn't answer one call. So the next morning when you're giving him the cold shoulder he doesn't know what's wrong. Or you may be having dinner but he spends the entire time on his phone. When you have become annoyed by it ,he actually has the audacity to ask, what's wrong with you? Oh trust me I understand.
Women are not hard to understand, but men have a hard time understanding us . What does a woman want? If they actually payed attention to women they would understand. Let me get to the point and break it down.

The difference between a woman and a girl is a girl wants all your attention. She doesn't care that you work and have responsibilities. A woman wants to feel that you do notice her. She is busy too, but acknowledging that you thought about her throughout the day is enough for her. Women want a man to focus on her when you're spending quality time together. If  social media is more important during quality time, she could of stayed home. 

When your woman does something good all she wants is a "good job babe". She doesn't need validation don't get it twisted. She wants her man to recognize she is out here making moves and doing great things. 

Talk! Tell her how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Ignoring her is the quickest way to get under her skin. If she did something that bothers you or hurt you just tell her. Women have no problem telling you why we are mad.. This thing where men are suppose to shut up is a old age thing our grandparents use to do. 

Put some respect on our feelings, our time, and our commitment to you. Respect is not only about talking to her in a respectful manner. Respect means not embarrassing her because you want to entertain other women. Respect her feelings and how she may feel. 

This is a big one. Do you want her or do you not. Its that simple. Commit to her. Drop your others and commit to her and only her. Telling the world who she is so that its really real. Take the relationship serious. If you're not ready to commit ,we would rather you leave us the hell alone. No time for games. 

Men don't listen. You can send a 4 page letter on why you're feeling how you're feeling, and he responds with "What"?
If they listened and was fair in understanding you, their life would be much easier. If a woman tells her man "I miss you, I wish I could see you", understand she actually miss you so do something about it. 

Take charge. No woman wants to wear the skirt and suit in a relationship.  Plan things for her and let her know. Women love when a man makes plans without getting her approval first. 

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Kayla Got The 411 Podcast: Episode 12- The Dating Game



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Listen to "Episode 1: "Sidechick Predicament"" on Spreaker.

"The Dating Game"

Welcome to the dating game. Where you put your faith and trust into a guy hoping you hit the jackpot and that he turns out to be the man of your dreams. Then you realize you put all your trust , energy and faith into him, only to strike out and he's not the one. Yes sis, that is the dating game. You lose some but the goal is to win. 

I look at my dating experience as a game. Between me and you I hated games all my life. Boards games, card games, sport games, and games played with my heart. Don't play me , play lotto! 

See you meet a guy, then you waste your time getting to know him by telling him all the amazing things about yourself. Also while listening to all the lies and bull shit he tells you about himself. Just when you really think you got a good one, he turns out to be trash. Conversations start to fade. Now you have to dispose him and keep it moving. Let's hope you don't get dickmerized in the process. Then you move on and do it again, and again. Playing the game until you finally win. 

Sucks but its part of the dating process. You literally have to kiss a million frogs until you meet your King. I can easily say don't get in your feelings but who am I kidding. Accidentally falling for someone happens so often. Mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for the good and the bad. Go into every dating situation knowing this could work out and this could be a disaster. What do you really have to lose? Don't be scared to date thinking you are bound to get your feelings hurt. By doing that you already have set yourself up to fail. 

If you haven't realized men lie just for the hell of it. I find it very creepy. It be the stupidest unnecessary lies too. Remember to always do your own little investigation. That's the best way to avoid egg on your face. I had a date with a guy one time. I had a funny feeling in my spirit. I found out he told me a fake name. After I discovered his real name I ran a background check on him. 

"Oh Yes I Did"

He had a criminal record longer than Ariana Grande pony tail. It included assault, assault, assault. You get the point! The same way employers call references you do the same. It's all fun and games but remember this is your life so don't gamble everything on a man. 

Thursday, July 19, 2018

#TTOTM: Having A Easy Menstrual Cycle

I can always sense when a woman is on her period. Her fashion style is very casual and comfortable. Normally she skips makeup and doesn't want to be bothered. Oh, and lets not forget the slow walk of death because your cramps are killing you. Giirls this is the partwhere we all bond. Every woman has some kind of symptoms before and during her period. Whether it's bad cramps, gas, or a acne breakout.

 I was on NEXPLANON birth control for 3 years and just got off a few months back. During those 3 years I was lucky enough to not have a menstrual cycle. Now that I am off for good, I am back to mother nature every month. One thing I did realize, it still sucks. Instead of us doing our normal complaining every month, I have found ways to help us women have a smoother and easier period every month. Take a look and use some of these tips to make it much less stressful and dreadful.

The worst feeling is getting a "funny feeling" then discovering your period is on and you have no tampons or pads near. Download a period tracker on your phone and keep track of when your period comes on every month. Also many of those apps allows you to track you ovulation. That way you know when you're fertile to avoid getting pregnant or plan for your pregnancy. 

Unless you're a savage, you have to take something to avoid cramps. I normally cramp in my butt. Yes, my bottom. It's very odd but I have met other women who get butt cramps also. Its very painful when it comes suds. I know you may have cravings but fried foods, sugar, caffeine and bread are major causes of cramps during your menstrual and causes inflammation. To stop the pain quickly, doctors suggest
ibuprofen,or aspirin. For a natural route use heating pads by applying it to your abdomen. Something new I have heard of is acupressure and massages too. My doctor even mentioned Fish Oil and Vitamin B1 for a natural relief. My mother taught me years ago about the Apple cider vinegar bath. Warm bath and just add the vinegar. There are many types of ways to help those cramps, try some.

One thing I learned as a teen is what to wear and what not to wear. Remember in school that one girl would wear khaki pants and you would see a period stain on her pants. That is not hot. 
Dress comfortable. Wear loose pants and comfortable full covering panties. The worst feeling is wondering if there is something on your pants if you know what I mean. 

The best way to have a easy period is sleeping. For some reason I feel as if my period flow is lighter when I'm sleeping. It is also good to move around but let's keep it real. Who wants to work our during their period unless you have to?

The best you invest in pads, and tampons will make it much easier. The top brand of tampons and pads are Tampax, Playtex, Kotex. Making sure you understand your flow is also key. If you're lighter go for regular sizing pads and tampons. Like myself if you have much heavier flows . Super will give you full protection. Remember to read the packaging of tampons. Staph, which is found in many of our bodies. ... Toxic shock syndrome will cause a drop in blood pressure that deprives organs, oxygen and can lead to death. So be aware of how long you keep your tampons in.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Put Some Respect On Her Heart

Women use to be treated like queens. If a guy mother found out he broke a girls heart it would be world war in their household. It was something fathers would teach their sons back in the day to respect women. Always treat a lady with respect, and don't play with girls feelings. We live in a time where fathers aren't giving those talks to their sons anymore. Now the more hoes you have you're winning. 

The respect level for women has surely decreased. Just look at how many unstable couples we read about on the blogs. Guys constantly getting caught on video cheating, or abusing their woman. It makes you worried about your own daughters if you have any. These men are role models to the next generation of boys.

Women hearts are fragile. We are already emotional beings. We take love seriously. I don't think men understand what it does to a woman to have her heart broken, or to be played and lead on. It will take their own daughter in tears for them to understand the pain each woman has ever felt. The best solution is to stop hurting women. Be honest, and stop leading women on. If you don't want her leave her alone. a selfish man will lead you to his heart, and give it to someone else. Guys will tell you half the truth. " Oh yeah I talk to a chick". But forget to mention they are married and she's pregnant with his child.

As a woman, but also as a black woman. My respect means everything to me. Once I feel disrespected and embarrassed I have to dead a person out of my life. Disrespect for me feels like a punch to my gut especially by people who I cared about and thought cared about me. I always say men who cheat on pregnant women are some of the most disrespectful scums to walk this earth. To step out with a whore probably having unprotected sex and come home to your pregnant spouse is disgusting. Its truthfully one of the reasons I stop supporting Kevin Hart. Quick story.

I had someone in my life who I have known for about 5 years. I ended things after 1 1/2  years because I felt he was wasting my time. If I loved you and you supposedly loved me why haven't you committed which was my questioning. Throughout the years as I moved on with my life he would find some way to hit me up even if he was blocked. Literally his own sister ran me down on the road one day waving. Finally I let him know I don't want to get back involved with you and mess up my mind and feelings. I'm good with where I am.  He ignored that and entered back in my life as friends reconnecting. Cut to the tea he had a entire girlfriend not chick as he mentioned who he lived with and even had his name tatted on her. My disrespect and rage I felt went from 0-100. You are reading this thinking after 5 years of knowing her,  he really did her like that. At that moment he did the one thing I hate and that was disrespect my heart, my feelings, and my body.  The moral to this post is your respect is all you got as a woman. Don't let no one use you, mistreat you and disrespect you. You should be treated like a queen always. If guys would put some respect on women's hearts, there would be less broken hearted girls. Guys if you re reading this keep this in mind. Treat every woman how you would want your own daughter treated, and watch your lifestyle change.

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Saturday, May 26, 2018


If you're a subscriber you will know Janine is a R&B singer who's lyrics I have used as topics. She has a line in her song called Unstable. She sings:
"But loving you is chaos

But the fire is incredible"
You may be in a volatile relationship where it's always arguing and just unhappiness. He doesn't understand you, he doesn't care or it may feel like he doesn't even try. The fire is in the love and passion, but truly you know that situation is chaos. How do you handle that? Leave!

Being in that type of relationship or situation is not mentally and emotionally good for your spirit, soul and heart. You need balance. The break ups, and back and forth will drain you sis. He loves you,  he loves you not. Those sudden changes of moods is not good. The feeling of joy and the disappointment is enough to spiritually suck you dry. There are steady situations for you. You just have to decide you want better. 

We all want to be with the one we love. It's only natural to want to spend your life with that person. Is it worth you destroying yourself just to tolerate a inconsistent situation? Men come and go. Cry about it and just be done with it. Janine has another line in her song where she sings :
"You bring me to the top

To throw me down to zero"
They tell you they love you,  but hurt you. You're at the top, and the feeling of disappointment feels like winning a race only to be told after the fact that  everything you did to win you still lose.

A friend once told me "You're not in love. You think you love him because you haven't been brave enough to let that go. This back and fourth thing is rocky. Why can't you let him go and be with someone who brings peace and harmony in your life. "

Check out Janine single "Unstable". She's one of my favorite artists.

Monday, May 7, 2018

Met Gala 2018 Fashion Picks

So I love met gala and picking my top fashion picks. I do it every year. But this year it was hard because finally mostly everyone was on point for the the theme.Last year's theme was a hot mess. This year's #MetGala theme was "Heavenly Bodies", Fashion and the Catholic Imagination.” Its inspiration is religious art in the museum’s holding it self. It's a fundraiser where celebrities who are selected attend at a cost of 30k to pretty much mingle and party. But the designer's are the ones who get to show off their designs. I'm impressed this year

Sara Jessica Parker
 Kim Kardashian West
                       Katy Perry
                           Rita Ora
                   Ariana Grande
                   Diddy & Cassie
                     Jennifer Lopez
                       Kylie Jenner
                      Mary J Blige
                         Cardi B
              Queen Nicki Minaj
                    Janelle Monae

Slowly will be adding more. These are the ones who stayed on theme.
                       Gigi Hadid
                     Selena Gomez
                   Kendall Jenner
                       Bella Hadid