Trust Issues

You may hear people jokingly say "I got trust issues". Normally when I say it people never really take it serious until a incident happens. Any of you who struggle with trust may know the feeling of always being anxious. Or always feeling like somebody is trying to hurt you. Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves.

Then you have those people who are in denial. They don't believe they have trust issues but they can never fully give a person their all, or in fear of being taken advantage of. Here are some serious signs of trust issues.

1. You always assume someone is out to hurt you, or get you. No matter what they do. You have negative thoughts in your mind about them. Even without them actually betraying you.
2. You are overly protective. Every good thing in your life, you self sabotage it, out of fear of getting hurt.
3. You distance yourself from getting to know people. The easiest way you avoid getting hurt is staying to yourself.
4. You don't easily forgive. Once a person crosses you, they are done for life. Even if you are unsure you still cut them off just to make sure.
5. You look for the bad. People with trust issues always seem to look for the bad before it begins. It's a way to stop the bad from happening before it begins.

People who don't struggle with trust never fully can understand a person with trust issues. You can feel sometimes hurt by being judged or misunderstood for your actions. Betrayal is a life damaging thing, especially when its done by a spouse, friend or family member. That deep hurt follows you and never seems to leave. Your mission is to never allow anyone to hurt you again. Its like constantly walking around with a bullet proof vest on your heart.

My trust issues run deep going back to my child hood. Having everyone around me constantly lie to me. Then it lead into toxic relationships. Where  men lied so much, then tried to cover the lies up. I would fall for the lies all over again. I remember spending 4 years with a guy who lied so much about his cheating. I was so dumb I would actually believe that those girls who wrote me saying "he my man" were actually lying and trying to break us up...

I recall on our 4th year this one particular girl came into the picture.

You can read more about this situation here: karma-is-btch .

I kept asking him was he messing with her. He denied it. I remember crying to him and he literally looked me in my eyes and said she was lying. I remember I told the girl send me proof, because I don't believe you. I woke up with a message from her. She sent me a picture of her sitting on his lap at his sister house in her living room. Yes y'all, a picture of them together.

I called him right after going the hell off. I remember balling in tears, and he still was denying it. His entire family had even lied to me when I would ask them. These people smiled in my face but knew all along. They would call me "sis". That man took all the trust I had when we broke up. Each guy I dated I would investigate them just to protect myself before catching feelings. Soon as I found something questionable I would end it. Then I went though a stage not even dating for a while. It was my way of trying to avoid possible getting hurt again. All the signs of, TRUST ISSUES!

People who have trust issues normally ruin good opportunities out of fear. Getting over this is not easy. I still struggle with it, but I am learning that you have to find someone worthy and can prove that everyone is not the same. To conquer those trust issues you will need a strong support system. Trust means putting confidence into someone or something. Also building self esteem in yourself can help overcome this. Most of all having confidence in yourself. Take all those bad situations and trust your instincts. We know the signs now, let's make better decisions on who we allow in our life. I'm not saying we will never possibly get hurt again,just be fearless and take a risk in order to find out.

"What Do Women Want"

Have you ever saw a confused puzzled look on your man face? Followed by the question"What's Wrong With You". He looks so dumb doesn't he? He may have stayed out all night and didn't answer one call. So the next morning when you're giving him the cold shoulder he doesn't know what's wrong. Or you may be having dinner but he spends the entire time on his phone. When you have become annoyed by it ,he actually has the audacity to ask, what's wrong with you? Oh trust me I understand.
Women are not hard to understand, but men have a hard time understanding us . What does a woman want? If they actually payed attention to women they would understand. Let me get to the point and break it down.

The difference between a woman and a girl is a girl wants all your attention. She doesn't care that you work and have responsibilities. A woman wants to feel that you do notice her. She is busy too, but acknowledging that you thought about her throughout the day is enough for her. Women want a man to focus on her when you're spending quality time together. If  social media is more important during quality time, she could of stayed home. 

When your woman does something good all she wants is a "good job babe". She doesn't need validation don't get it twisted. She wants her man to recognize she is out here making moves and doing great things. 

Talk! Tell her how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Ignoring her is the quickest way to get under her skin. If she did something that bothers you or hurt you just tell her. Women have no problem telling you why we are mad.. This thing where men are suppose to shut up is a old age thing our grandparents use to do. 

Put some respect on our feelings, our time, and our commitment to you. Respect is not only about talking to her in a respectful manner. Respect means not embarrassing her because you want to entertain other women. Respect her feelings and how she may feel. 

This is a big one. Do you want her or do you not. Its that simple. Commit to her. Drop your others and commit to her and only her. Telling the world who she is so that its really real. Take the relationship serious. If you're not ready to commit ,we would rather you leave us the hell alone. No time for games. 

Men don't listen. You can send a 4 page letter on why you're feeling how you're feeling, and he responds with "What"?

If they listened and was fair in understanding you, their life would be much easier. If a woman tells her man "I miss you, I wish I could see you", understand she actually miss you so do something about it. 

Take charge. No woman wants to wear the skirt and suit in a relationship.  Plan things for her and let her know. Women love when a man makes plans without getting her approval first. 

Unstable

If you're a subscriber you will know Janine is a R&B singer who's lyrics I have used as topics. She has a line in her song called Unstable. She sings:

"But loving you is chaos

But the fire is incredible"

You may be in a volatile relationship where it's always arguing and just unhappiness. He doesn't understand you, he doesn't care or it may feel like he doesn't even try. The fire is in the love and passion, but truly you know that situation is chaos. How do you handle that? Leave!

Being in that type of relationship or situation is not mentally and emotionally good for your spirit, soul and heart. You need balance. The break ups, and back and forth will drain you sis. He loves you,  he loves you not. Those sudden changes of moods is not good. The feeling of joy and the disappointment is enough to spiritually suck you dry. There are steady situations for you. You just have to decide you want better. 

We all want to be with the one we love. It's only natural to want to spend your life with that person. Is it worth you destroying yourself just to tolerate a inconsistent situation? Men come and go. Cry about it and just be done with it. Janine has another line in her song where she sings :

"You bring me to the top

To throw me down to zero"

They tell you they love you,  but hurt you. You're at the top, and the feeling of disappointment feels like winning a race only to be told after the fact that  everything you did to win you still lose.

A friend once told me "You're not in love. You think you love him because you haven't been brave enough to let that go. This back and fourth thing is rocky. Why can't you let him go and be with someone who brings peace and harmony in your life. "

Check out Janine single "Unstable". She's one of my favorite artists.

Damn Gina: "You Took Him Back Again"?

Eve didn't lie when she said love is blind. Love really will have you out here looking foolish. Why is that? Like my previous post sometimes it has something to do with being dickmerized . Is it really that good to be tolerating alot of the mess you allow him to put you through. A man will only treat you how you allow him to treat you. The cheating, the having babies outside your relationship, not helping financially and the abuse. When is enough, actually enough.

I have seen a big increase of women not only in my personal life but also in the media who constantly get walked all over.

Yes I should mind my business but I don't want to. What I want is for us girls to walk away and stop taking them back.  The only way to learn from your mistakes is to be taught a lesson. There are some men who go from woman, to woman with the same bad behavior. That's because they voluntarily leave you and go to another woman doing the same extact things. Make him regret what he did, so when he moves on he does better by the next woman.

Look at rapper Cardi B.  She's at the rise of her career. Making money,  successful and all.

Her fiance Offset has been caught on video maybe twice now cheating on her with unknown women. She stayed and now they are expecting a child together. He pretty much cheated on her while she was pregnant and she took him back because she says he makes her happy.  But what lesson did he learn from embarrassing her in front of the world?

Emily B who is a former cast member of love and hiphop has been on and off over 10 years with rapper Fabolous. This poor girl has been dealing with infidelity,  disrespect and just recently we found out abuse.

 After she alleged he punched out 2 of her front teeth, he later turned himself into the police. But just this weekend guess who was spotted together at Coachella. Yes Emily & Fabolous.  Video was sent exclusively to The Shaderoom

TSR Staff: Kyle Anfernee Instagram: @Kyle.Anfernee Fabolous has been laying low for the past couple of weeks after news broke that he allegedly assaluted the mother of his children, Emily B. ___________________________________ Many thought that Emily would be throwing up the deuces after Fab reportedly threatened her father and brother, but it looks like the heart wants what it wants because the two of them were spotted at Coachella trying to keep a low profile. ___________________________________ One of our followers were able to get a LITTLE glimpse of the two and other Coachella goers confirmed via Twitter!

A post shared by The Shade Room (@theshaderoom) on Apr 23, 2018 at 3:39pm PDT

The most talked about #DamnGina moment is Khloe Kardashian and her NBA baby daddy Tristan Thompson  who was caught on video booed up with some groupies and heading back to the hotel with 1.

It's been rumored they are working things out.  He was caught cheating just days before she gave birth to their daughter. The disrespect of cheating on you while pregnant is the biggest slap in the face. Unfortunately it seems as if she's upset but she's going to stick it out according to reports.

So what makes a woman walk away from a relationship ? Is there a certain number of times or a incident that will force you to walk away?

NASA Removed What "Would've Been" 1st African American Astronaut Jeanette Epps Off Upcoming Spaceflight

Jeanette Jo Epps is an Engineer and NASA Astronaut

Strangely without reason Jeanette Epps was booted off a mission to be a crew member on the international space station. Sis would of made history in becoming the 1st African American woman astronaut to actually serve a long term stay on the international space station. 

NASA made a announcement this past Thursday they were taking Jeanette off the mission and replacing her with this woman

Serena Auñón-Chancellor

Now normally when this happens there is a reason behind it.  But in this case NASA

has not gave a reasoning behind it. Serena Auñón-Chancellor was actually Jeannette Epps backup. All NASA stated was she would be returning to NASA’s Johnson Space Centre in Houston to assume duties in the office and would be considered for future assignments.

We don't know as of yet why they reassigned her. But we do know Jeanette dreams are crushed. She dreamed of one day walking in space and now her dreams are no longer happening in June of 2018.

Inquiring minds want to know... 

@NASA we need answers.  Is it because she's sick,  not qualified or because she would if been the 1st African American woman to actually live on the international space station? This woman seemed as if she was ready, and qualified. Let's stay tuned for a reason. I'm not going to say why I really think they reassigned her but I'll wait on their explanation first. 

Wack Sex: Stay Or Go?

The most annoying feeling for a woman is laying next to a guy after bad sex.  Bad sex doesn't always mean the sex itself was bad.  Leaving a woman feeling unsatisfied is also bad sex.  It's like going to a new restaurant that looked great on the outside, but once you got there and tried the food it wasn't all that. It was BLAH!

Men don't realize that bad sex for a woman is the biggest deal breaker. Size is not always the issue. Let's keep it real girls,  a lot of grown ass men don't know their own strokes and movements. They think because they are big in size that's all is needed.  The same way they put effort into getting meat out of crab legs, put the same effort into your woman during sex. From most women I have spoken to,  the number one problem is ..

Women are soft, and gentle naturally. Sex is all about the anticipation. Foreplay is cool if that's what you're into.  Kissing, licking, sucking are all some key things guys can do to lead into sex. Make her want it by teasing her. Their major problem is no patience. They want to dive in, get their nut and go to sleep. All in 1-5 mins while you're laying their unsatisfied feeling used and unwanted.

Men think women are like jack rabbits who want to go on and on all night. I have even heard the line, "You'll just lay there." They're so one sided to understand the length of sex is not the problem.  Them not fulfilling their sexual duties by making sure their woman is satisfied is the issue.
I remember in my last relationship he would wake up the next morning confused as to why I was so upset. Had the nerves to say "I know you not mad about last night?" Of course after satisfying him and 3 mins in he gets what he needed and falls into a deep coma of sleep after wards, I would be pissed off.

 It got to the point I was so turned off by it I hit my ex up the day after.  At least he knew and understood my body. That was a deal breaker for me.  So what your sex is good, but if 80% of the time you're selfish and inconsiderate to her needs it's not worth it.

So the big question is...

Sex is a big cause for break-ups and infidelity in relationships.  People we who aren't satisfied tend to wander off. Most people don't like to admit it,  but I will.  Sex is very important in relationships. So if you decide to stay talk to your guy about your desires.  A lot of your men don't even know you're not sexually satisfied, because you don't talk to them.

New Years Resolutions (Goal Digger Edition)

Hello everyone.  It is now 8:25 p.m eastern time on December 30, 2017 as I write this.… One more day in 2017. Have you looked back and reflected on how this year as a whole turned out?  I did and I truly must say as a whole this wasn't a good year.  Between the violent mass murders, police brutality, weather catastrophic,  this was a rough year. One thing I do hope is 2018 brings us more peace and love. 

I am not going to make my resolutions for 2018 just to not do it.  That's the thing people don't actually think things throughout. I look at new years resolution as goals.  I feel like saying resolutions sounds good but in reality there are things people put on their list knowing damn well it won't be done. You may work out,  for a week or two. Or the ones who say they're going to start going to church every Sunday.  You see them 1st Sunday and never again. 

My resolutions are goals. Things I know I will do,  because it will help benefit me. Check out my 5 goals. Next year around this time the goal is to come back and hope I got them all completed. 

 The first goal of mines for 2018 is to take some hosting classes.  One way I would like to expand my brand is by interviewing and hosting.  I would like to learn more about that field,  before I actually go out there and do it. 

 I have a major fear if heights. No joke.. Going to the mall and riding the escalators freaks me out. Because of my fears I have never been on a airplane before.  This is one goal I must force myself to do.  A great opportunity may come up and I can't allow my fear of heights to stop me. 

 Third is to get my articles featured in other publications.  I always wanted to be a guess writer for Essence Magazine. I will truly be submitting more submissions into them on topics hoping one catches the editors attention. But to get Kayla Got The 411 as the author throughout many publications is the mission. 

 Networking.  It's hard to talk to others who aren't in my field or understand my passion of writing and my newest podcast. People who don't think like you won't get it.  I will be going to many network events in 2018 to meet women like myself who have business goals they're trying to achieve. When women put their power together we do a lot of great things. Plus I am fun,  outgoing, and know what I want.  I need to be around others like myself. 

 Focusing on my family.  Recently I saw my father who I haven't seen in years.  I don't know him,  and he doesn't know who I am which is sad.  Meaning, we have no idea each others personailty. I want to put effort into getting to know him.  Maybe that way all the questions I have can be answered. I want to do more family activities with my mother and daughter. My daughter and I always do fun events.  But I want to get my mother to join us.  These times are precious and I don't want to take it for granted. 

Happy New Year Dolls.  Thank you to ever subscriber,  and person who comes to read my post.  The views, and shares this year were amazing. I was sometimes shocked. I'm happy to share my experiences.  I am no expert. I am just a girl with a passion for writing who shares her experiences. If I can make you laugh, smile , or say yassss at least once,  I have accomplished what I wanted. Be safe, be brave, be bold see you next year. 

NeveR ThE RighT TimE

Do you think it's true that everyone has a soulmate?  You know that person no matter what path you both take in life, the feelings always stay.  The person who knew you,  understood you,  and made you feel complete. 

But

It just wasn't the right time. You love them,  they love you but right then at that moment it just wasn't the right time for you two to be together.

You both or one of you could not be particularly ready to settle down.  You know that this person is the one for you but it just won't work out. Maybe both of you want different things in life.

The most devastating feeling is to have to love someone from a distance. Knowing you can't be together when all you want is them.  I believe the pain comes heavy having to watch them move on.  Never the right time is it?

People sometimes meet at the wrong time in life.  You may be in college or working on your career goals and they have their own thing going. Or you may be in a whole relationship with someone else and here he comes.  Messing up what you thought, was a good thing.

It's easy to say well if you love the person go be with them.  Easier said than done.
But real life shit happens.  Love has detours.  Sometimes you can get through it,  but sometimes you have to go another path. Get it!


Never the Right Time?
Or Not The Right One.

Never The Right Time

Never The Right Time, an album by Janine on Spotify

Make sure to check out past episodes of my podcast.  😗

Who's Relationship Goals? 🤷‍♀️

Will be posted November 5, 2017

Episode 2: "Who's Relationship Goals ?"

Don't speak for me or others when you say #Relationshipgoals. I'm down for inspiring and motivating the single ones to have a relationship, but let's keep it real.  Those hashtag Relationship Goals memes aren't for everyone.  So who's relationship goals? 

As a millennial myself born in 1991 let me be the first to say majority of us don't have any idea what relationship goals are unless you grew up fortunate to see your parents show you by example. But lots of my generation are basing it off of social media and the reality shows.  It' has portrayed a picture that they are so perfect. Then things hit the fan and the Breaking News is, "He & She Are Divorcing After 72 Days". 

The fame,  the money is what people consider relationship goals. You do know people with money and fame have issues too? 

Example...  Singer Tamar Braxton & Manager Husband Vince Herbert from the reality show Braxton Family Values are calling it quits after a 9 year marriage. 

They were known as the power couple because they had TV shows,  money, artists he was managing like "Lady Gaga" and clothing lines. They seemed like the better modern day Ike & Tina without the beatings. Everyone knew them as that couple that did and went everywhere together. Just weeks before it was announced Tamar filed, they were seen loving it up as if they were going stronger than ever.  After a alledged abuse 911 call last year and rumor controlling ways he had over her. #RelationshipGoals turned out to be struggling. 

_________________________________

Mary J Blige and ex husband Kendu Isaacs divorced after 12, years of marriage. Kendu was caught cheating and is currently receiving a big spousal support check after it all.  He was known as the good guy who got Mary clean and career back on track.  We looked at them as that couple still going strong. Everyone thought they were perfect.  But turns out Mary didn't think so.  She told Angie Martinez in a interview from March, 

"You start to realize that this man doesn’t want you and he’s just gone all the time and you’re by yourself in the relationship,” said Blige. “When you realize you’re by yourself and you’re just suffering through it, now it’s time to do some investigating"

________________________________________

Trust me I know it isn't always a good idea to look at others relationships as goals. Truth is, there is nothing wrong with looking to other couples as inspiration and for advice.  Come on,  you have to be realistic. Cardi B & rapper Offset from rap group Migos are engaged after a few months of dating. Cardi B left a long relationship for her incarcerated ex. Lets give them more time to build their relationship before referring to them as relationship goals and not admire money,  making it rain, and icy jewelry. 

A couple of mines who I adore so much and their love story are Actor & Actress Cory Hardrict and Tia Mowry Hardrict. Both were featured on OWN new hit show "Black Love".  

This couple met when she was already a established actress from the hit sitcom "Sister Sister" and Cory was a struggling actor also working odd jobs trying to better himself in California. After giving him a ride along with her sister Tamera from a movie set they remained friends. She saw the kindness and ambition in him. 17 years they have been together married since 2008 with 1 son name Cree.  They admit it isn't easy, but it's real and they are each others support systems and best friends. Cory has gone on to star in American Sniper,  All Eyez On Me and lots more.

So ask yourself what does the couple have that will hold a stable, long, healthy relationship before you hashtag #Relationshipgoals.

Wendy Williams: Husband Caught Creeping & Shacking Up

So He Creeps? Oh boy,  the daily mail dropped a 💣for real today.  Looks like someone has been following talk show host Wendy Williams husband Kevin Hunter for over a year now.  The tea they gathered is so hot my fingers are scorching as I type this.

Talk show host Wendy Williams is a radio legend now TV host.  With 9 seasons on air that is epic for a black woman. But girl..... As much crap she talk daily on her show about other celebrities,  she should have knew that her husband was shacking up nine miles from her family home with another woman who's much younger.

This is something we women do alot.  We judge women,  and put down others relationships to the point we are clueless on what the hell is going on in our home. I don't care who you are,  or what you do. If Beyonce allegedly got cheated on,  all our asses can too.  You can't worry about someone elses lawn when yours is 4 ft high.

Photo credit (Daily Mail)

Kevin Hunter also Wendy's manager allegedly has a home worth 750,000 with this 32 yr old massage therapist Sharina Hudson. He got her almost a 1 million dollar home, with money he made from Wendy Williams brand.  He even has his damn name on the mail box. They have being eating out at restaurants and going to the gym.  They supposedly have been together more than10 yrs now a source told daily mail. 

Now I hope Wendy is not that dumb she couldn't have realized her husband was living with another woman and still coming home to her and her kids.  I mean why have a hot topics team if they can't get the scoop on you too.  This is a big epic embarrassment for the talk show host. She was just giving Kevin Harts wife Eniko advice through the TV screen about cheating husbands.  Also you all her husband was seen with the alleged mistress right after her public vacation with husband Kevin to 🇧🇧 2 weeks ago. 

Photo Credit ( Daily Mail)

Let's see if Wendy mentions this.  Now this is not the first rumor of him cheating,  Mrs. Wendy has admitted of infidelity in the pass from Kevin and says she doesn't regret forgiving him because it made the marriage stronger. Wendy has publically showed her despise of sidechicks. 

Hey Wendy!!  Girl what you gone do?

What can she do?

Read full article here to see timeline of pictures 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4899912/Wendy-Williams-husband-leads-double-life-mistress.html

Kevin Hart : Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

Social media is going in on comedian Kevin Hart,  and I'm joining in.  Let me just say Kevin Hart "Good Guy" act has always been suspect to me.  Yes he is talented but putting your wrong doings in your comedy doesn't take away from what you did.  Now if you stumbled across my page on Google,  or link then refresh yourself on a very recent fave post titled Who's Man where I talk about how Kevin Hart cheated on his ex wife with his current wife Eniko "Allegedly. "

Anyways, so Kevin posted this bizarre video of a part 3 to Usher Confessions where he's apologizing for some shit we have no idea about. But he's basically saying it's for his wife and kids, and goes on how he needs to do better.  He also says he will not be giving his money to anyone seeking financial gain.  Take a look at the video and lets keep chatting.

So social media has kind of read between the lines of "HE CHEATED,  SIDE CHICK IS ASKING FOR A CHECK,  HE IS SAVING HIS ASS BY EXPOSING HIMSELF".

So of course his die hard fans who are in denial along with his 2nd wife Eniko ( Catch The Shade) feels no one should assume it's infidelity. Well when you post a apology video not acknowledging what the hell you're apologizing for,  we can assume whatever.

Now this is a question that came to mind.  If you cheat once,  are you always a cheater?
Let me tell you from experience.  I spent 4 years of my teen years with a excessive cheater. He constantly was getting caught up with chicks until he eventually cheated so much I kept forgiving him and just said No More.  People who cheat know what they are doing.  The goal is to not hurt anymore people after you get caught once.  But in my opinion most cheaters are always a cheater.. It's like robbing a bank and getting away with it.  The adrenaline rush of getting away with it is a thrill. Very similar to cheating.  When they cheat and don't get caught no different. If it worked once why not try it again.

However, if their partner will forgive them, why not try it again? That's how many cheaters think. There's also this new thing where people think let me expose it to my partner because it will sound better coming from me.  Soooo,  being honest about your infidelity is a better idea than lying about it.  See how stupid and smart that sounds.

Let's see how this plays out.  Let's wait on the anonymous person to come forward soon.  I'm sure they mad that Kevin took it upon himself to half ass expose himself.

1:59 p.m just saw TMZ got word that someone is exhorting Kevin Hart with some kind of allegedly mini sex tape. This is so bad. I really want to say Karma is a bitch to his new wife Eniko but I choose the door of not petty because she's with child.

TMZ came with it ⬇

http://m.tmz.com/2017/09/17/kevin-hart-sex-tape-video-extortion-woman-cheating/

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