Trust Issues

You may hear people jokingly say "I got trust issues". Normally when I say it people never really take it serious until a incident happens. Any of you who struggle with trust may know the feeling of always being anxious. Or always feeling like somebody is trying to hurt you. Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves.

Then you have those people who are in denial. They don't believe they have trust issues but they can never fully give a person their all, or in fear of being taken advantage of. Here are some serious signs of trust issues.

1. You always assume someone is out to hurt you, or get you. No matter what they do. You have negative thoughts in your mind about them. Even without them actually betraying you.
2. You are overly protective. Every good thing in your life, you self sabotage it, out of fear of getting hurt.
3. You distance yourself from getting to know people. The easiest way you avoid getting hurt is staying to yourself.
4. You don't easily forgive. Once a person crosses you, they are done for life. Even if you are unsure you still cut them off just to make sure.
5. You look for the bad. People with trust issues always seem to look for the bad before it begins. It's a way to stop the bad from happening before it begins.

People who don't struggle with trust never fully can understand a person with trust issues. You can feel sometimes hurt by being judged or misunderstood for your actions. Betrayal is a life damaging thing, especially when its done by a spouse, friend or family member. That deep hurt follows you and never seems to leave. Your mission is to never allow anyone to hurt you again. Its like constantly walking around with a bullet proof vest on your heart.

My trust issues run deep going back to my child hood. Having everyone around me constantly lie to me. Then it lead into toxic relationships. Where  men lied so much, then tried to cover the lies up. I would fall for the lies all over again. I remember spending 4 years with a guy who lied so much about his cheating. I was so dumb I would actually believe that those girls who wrote me saying "he my man" were actually lying and trying to break us up...

I recall on our 4th year this one particular girl came into the picture.

You can read more about this situation here: karma-is-btch .

I kept asking him was he messing with her. He denied it. I remember crying to him and he literally looked me in my eyes and said she was lying. I remember I told the girl send me proof, because I don't believe you. I woke up with a message from her. She sent me a picture of her sitting on his lap at his sister house in her living room. Yes y'all, a picture of them together.

I called him right after going the hell off. I remember balling in tears, and he still was denying it. His entire family had even lied to me when I would ask them. These people smiled in my face but knew all along. They would call me "sis". That man took all the trust I had when we broke up. Each guy I dated I would investigate them just to protect myself before catching feelings. Soon as I found something questionable I would end it. Then I went though a stage not even dating for a while. It was my way of trying to avoid possible getting hurt again. All the signs of, TRUST ISSUES!

People who have trust issues normally ruin good opportunities out of fear. Getting over this is not easy. I still struggle with it, but I am learning that you have to find someone worthy and can prove that everyone is not the same. To conquer those trust issues you will need a strong support system. Trust means putting confidence into someone or something. Also building self esteem in yourself can help overcome this. Most of all having confidence in yourself. Take all those bad situations and trust your instincts. We know the signs now, let's make better decisions on who we allow in our life. I'm not saying we will never possibly get hurt again,just be fearless and take a risk in order to find out.

Flaws & All

One of my favorite songs is the Beyonce song "flaws & all".She has a line where she says:

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you.I'm a puzzle, yes, indeed 

No one in this world is perfect. We all are imperfect which makes us all unique and special. The moment I became a woman was when I was able to see my own flaws. Its easy to point out others flaws but can you notice your own. For example my biggest flaw is using humor in serious situations. I tend to laugh or make jokes to hide my hurt or anger. It took me a long time to realize I did that. That's one flaw I don't know if it will ever go away. My ex use to call me a ass hole because in heated arguments I would say something sarcastic and mean. I truly come off as not taking things serious when I do. 

Another flaw of mines is the need to search & look into things. You really can hurt your own damn feelings by digging into things. Its almost like a self sabotaging thing. The feeling of "This is too good to be true". If its a good thing I always feel the need to investigate and find the flaw. But what I am doing is a flaw in itself. This is what I am working hard to stop doing.

The part of growth is realizing the good qualities about yourself and also the not so good qualities. If anyone is looking for that perfect person, I'm here to tell you. 

Ask yourself what your good qualities are but also what are your flaws. The thing I have learned is people try to use your flaws against you. Be aware of who you are. Either own it, or make changes.

Workplace Hook Ups ( Do you agree?)

Can you be a naughty girl and be about your business? Let's face it, work has become the newest way of meeting guys besides Instagram. You work between 8-12 hours a day seeing the same people. Attraction is strong, if they see something they like they will pursue.
I have always worked in a office setting. Personally I'm lazy as hell and I prefer to sit down in the air conditioning. I have noticed over the years that in most office environments somebody is hooking up. I don't technically mean hooking up but you get the point.

In 2018 it is very common to have companies have a NO DATING IN THE WORKPLACE POLICY.  An office relationship can lead to charges of sexual harassment if things ended badly. Don't think because you're a woman a man couldn't be petty like that. Remember men get scorned too. Truthfully between us, allot of men can't handle hookups and being ignored.  It also could cause outside drama brought into the workplace if someone is married. Just 2 weeks ago the company I work for was put on lock down. Apparently someone was having a affair with another employee and his wife found out and came ready to whoop ass..

Workplace romance has it's pros and cons. I have met couples who've  met at the job and are married, still working together. Then I have met people who have tried dating people only for things to end and turn bad. Look I understand you may see someone you want, don't let me stop you, but let me help you in determining if  that's the right decision. Let's begin with cons. 

1. People are nosey. Let's face it the biggest flaw amongst people is them  not minding their own business. You don't want everyone in the office knowing your business.  The last thing you want is co workers knowing who you're  hooking up with after work. 
2. Violating company policy. Its been a while since I have seen a company NOT have rules on workplace romance. There have been cases where people were fired for not following the rules. Do you really want to lose income and processional reputations just to date someone. 
3. Drama could quickly abrupt at your job if the relationship ends bad. The tension in the office will be sharp as a knife. Don't bring bullshit to your place of work because it will stink up the place. There is a luxury of ending a relationship and never having to see them again. But in the workplace you still have to see them..
4. Distraction. Having them at your job could be a distraction.  Them constantly emailing you, or stopping by your desk could get in the way of your job. Plus the nervousness of your managers finding out can becoming nerve bottling. 

1. Having someone who understands a long day of hard work. The pros would be having someone to discuss work with. They may van even help you get better and your job. To keep it real, if you are dealing with the right person it could help advance your career. It could be a great opportunity for you. Love and promotion.
2. If you are dating someone at your job, why wonder what they are doing when you have front row seats. If you find yourself in a workplace romance you can keep a eye on your man better since he's in the same building. 
3. If you are having car problems you have someone to ride with. 

4. You get to see them every day if you are that clingy type that doesn't mind that. 

5. Work becomes fun. Going to working seeing someone you like can give you butterflies. Could become a little naughty scandal if you two are intimate. 

I would suggest not dealing with anyone at your job especially in same department.  If you can't help your self don't tell anyone. Remember work is work. Just because you have work buddies doesn't mean they will be loyal.

Man Down: " Protecting Yourself From Predators As A Woman

Being a woman has it's perks. If your car breaks down on the side of the road people will always run to your rescue. Or how about free before 11 at the club for ladies. Being a woman is awesome and it does has it's disadvantages. I watch a lot of crime shows. Women are always the target. From robbery, kidnapping, rape, to domestic violence. There are men who take advantage of women because they're bigger and stronger. I can not tell you how recently I have came across a woman robbed and sexually assaulted by a stranger this year alone. Its scary as hell being a woman and knowing you're the prey for a lot of sick, disturbed individuals. Sadly we can't stop every bad person but we can help protect ourselves and be more aware. I don't want you to be scared but I want you to be aware and alert. I am going to give you all a few things to look out for as women to help protect yourself. It breaks my heart when I see a young women assaulted or violated. I am a mom myself to a daughter. I want us all to be safe. Let's start with the number one thing.

. DON'T ACCEPT ALL DRINKS

Sometimes when a guy offers you a drink it doesn't always mean he's being a gentleman. Never accept a drink from a guy if you didn't actually see him make it. There are guys who will slip a date rape drug into your alcohol beverage to get you knocked out so they can take advantage of you sexually. Most women admit they got very dizzy and lightheaded suddenly and when they woke up didn't remember a thing. Always smell your drink and look clearly at it. Be careful to not leave your drink sitting around too. Some of the most common date rape drugs are roofies, gamma, liquid ecstasy, and special k all street terms. Be careful also outside of clubs. Just because he has a bottle at his house doesn't mean it's still safe to drink. Smell, look, and trust your gut. If he's very pushy for you to drink it, RUN BITCH!

 This is a common way women are violated. If you feel this has happen to you or someone you know, contact your local authorities and contact 1-800-656-HOPE. 

. Watch Your Surroundings 

Sometimes those midnight Wal-Mart runs sounds like a good idea. Nobody is there that late. I remember seeing a episode of See No Evil on investigation network of a teen doing late night shopping. A strange man followed her around the store, and attacked her at her car. He approached her with a gun, kidnapped her, raped her, and killed her. I cried like a baby. It could of been me or you. Girls please watch your surroundings especially when you are alone. I don't want you to be paranoid ,but be aware. If you live alone pay attention to the cars following you. If a person follows you for miles call a friend to have someone on the phone with you. Also if you leave early or come home late, check your surroundings before getting out the car. Always have your keys and phone in hand. It sounds like a lot, but if your key is in your hand it's a life safer if a person is coming at you. 

. Don't Date Anyone

Sometimes a guy may slide in your DM. He seems great, he's cute from his pictures too. Remember , you don't know him. Get to know him very well before agreeing to a date. If you do decide to go out with him make sure it's a public place. 

I don't suggest that but at least inform a friend where you're going, and who you are going with. Truthfully I wouldn't even suggest he picks you up. He can meet you there. It has become common for women to meet up with predators they meet online. I like to see if we have mutual friends, that way you can do a quick reference check.  Don't be thirsty for a date and risk your life. 

. Watch Your Hands & Mouth

There are some crazy ass men out there. Girls be careful how you talk to men. The cursing , and hand in face will set off a already violent man quickly. Some guys are full of rage, it only takes you poking the bear before he unleashes. Please don't get yourself in a violent situation with a physcopath .A quick hit upside his head from you may make him hurt you in a way you might not recover from. Look for signs in abusive men. Crazy people can only hide their crazy for so long. His outburst and how he treats other's will tell you allot. If you see signs of crazy, Run Bitch! Fighting back is for the boxing ring, don't risk your life trying to be Wonder Woman.

Revenge Porn

If I see one more explicit picture or video online of revenge porn I may scream. If you don't know what revenge porn is, its basically posting  explicit pictures or videos of someone without consent. Trust me I know how easy it is to believe the hype when he says he will delete it. I can almost bet you $50.00 he is lying. Don't let these guys record you having sex. You can't even trust boyfriends these days. There are actual websites out there where men expose ex girlfriends by posting their nudes or sex tapes. If you are having sex and you see a flash just get up and start swinging. I know what I said before just in this case get the camera and run. 😂💯

It has happen to me, I had to jump up quick. They sneaky. Don't let them take advantage of you. Your reputation and dignity is what makes you a woman. 

. FOLLOW YOUR GUT

 Don't let your woman's intuition go to waste. Your brain is there for a reason. If it doesn't sound right, or feel right, it must not be right. If you're somewhere with a guy and the vibes feel weird, get out.  Its hard to describe the feeling but it's a quick instinct of danger. 

#BlackHistoryMonth - 28 Days Of Black Women In History ( Day 5: Sister Rosetta Tharpe)

Sister Rosetta Tharpe

Also known as the God Mother of Rock N Roll is Sister Rosetta Tharpe.  This woman is a legend in the rock n roll industry but hasn't got much of the recognition like the men who she inspired like Elvis Presley who listened to her growing up. She was the type of artist to shout, and swing hips before Little Richard and Johnny Cash. She turned this type style into a international sensation honey. Let me just say she was a bad ass woman.

Rosetta Nubin is her birth name. She was born in Arkansas. When she first picked up a guitar at age 4 who knew by age 6 she would be performing with her  mother and a evangelist group in churches in the South. Rosetta and her mother continued playing all the way to the 1920's spiritual music, which is now known as gospel.

She had a very unique voice. Her particular style was a mix of blues, jazz and gospel. During the 1930s it was not typical to see a woman playing a guitar especially a black woman. People in the gospel community had a hard time accepting her also. She never let the haters change her. By age 23 in 1938, she joined the Cotton Club Revue. It was a New York City club that became very popular. Rosetta had a hit with her single, "Rock Me."  It had a traditional gospel and rock 'n' roll vibe mixed with blues.

"ROCK ME"

Now her music was kinda sexual but was also gospel so you can imagine the uproar she sent people . She was dominating the industry as a black woman guitarist. She even collaborated with many men in her field.  By the 1940s she even collaborated with white artists Jordanaires. Now it was still segregation while she was performing for mixed audiences. She wasn't able to sleep in the hotels so she slept on the bus. She even had to get food from the back door because she couldn't come inside. She did what she had to do, so she could be successful. 

Later she started to get a celebrity status. Around the time of  World War II she created a song called 

"Strange Things Happening Everyday," with Decca Records. That song reflected on everything going on in the world at that time. It is her biggest record to date. Now some people think it's gospel ,and some think rock n roll. You listen and decide.

"STRANGE THINGS ARE HAPPENING EVERYDAY  "

She broke down the door for black women who wanted to play instruments the men did especially guitar. She toured in Europe years before dying in 1970s by a stroke. 

She influenced many of your favorites like Chuck Berry and Elvis Presley. Because she was a openly bi sexual woman who played gospel in rock n roll, the industry didn't give her the recognition she deserved. But in 2007 she was inducted into the Blues Hall of Fame. Recently she was elected into the Rock Hall of Fame. 

#BlackHistoryMonth - 28 Days Of Black Women In History ( Day 4: Coretta Scott King)

Coretta Scott King

The strong, talented, civil rights activist, writer, daughter and wife Coretta Scott King is what you call a strong black woman.  She was the wife of Martin Luther King Jr.  After his death she kept his legacy alive. Let's go right in.

Mrs . King was born in Alabama 1927. Many people don't know she had a passion for singing and playing the violin.  After graduating high school she went to Antioch College in Ohio.  There she received her Bachelor of Arts in music and education in 1951. She moved to Boston to attend New England Conservatory of Music in Boston, Massachusetts.  While in Boston she met Martin Luther King Jr.  She eventually married Martin and had 4 children. 

She was heavily involved in her husbands civil rights movement, and was right by his side during the 1950s and '60s. Coretta was even part of the historic Montgomery Bus Boycott in 1955.  She's worked to make sure the Civil Rights Act was passed in 1964 along with others. Coretta had the same beliefs as her husband and that was equal opportunity, and justice.  She wore many hats also as a public mediator and liaison to peace and justice organizations.

She was more than a wife and mother she made sure to continue her husband's legacy after his aassassination in 1968. She took on the role for racial equality  and became active in the women's movement.  She founded the King center in honor of her husband's attributes. Today Martin Luther King Jr birthday is a national holiday.  Ronald Reagan signed the legislation because of Coretta dedication to get it did 

She was highly known in the political world especially for the Kennedy's who admired her and her husband's well doings. 

In 2005 Coretta died to complications dealing with cancer. Her legacy was celebrated with over 10,000 guest at her funeral.  She was inducted into the Alabama Women's Hall of Fame after 

She was the backbone that held this country together after the death of Mr. King that led many feeling hopeless and discouraged. She was left to pick up the pieces and raise 4 children all while being strong and still fighting for a cause. 

#BlackHistoryMonth - 28 Days Of Black Women In History ( Day 3:Bessie Coleman)

Bessie Coleman 

Bessie made history in 1922 by becoming the first African American woman to fly a flight in the United States. She was the first ever black woman to even earn a pilot license. She read stories about World War I pilots that got her interest in one day becoming a pilot herself. She broke barriers by actually finishing high school and attending college. She did one semester due to financial issues at Langston Industrial College. 

She went on to live with her brothers in Chicago during a time when the tension between blacks and whites were at a all time high. She wanted to get out badly and expressed her dreams to her brother who showed no encouragement. 

Back then every flying school denied her so she taught herself French and moved to France. Nothing was stopping her. A well known school

Caudron Brother's School of Aviation was where she attended school.  There she was the first African American woman to get her pilot license. She specialized in stunt flying and made money  performing aerial tricks. 
Sadly she died doing what she loved . She died in a plane crash in 1926 while testing her new aircraft.

She paved a way for black women who wanted to fly planes .Because of her dedication she followed her dreams and made history .

#BlackHistoryMonth - 28 Days Of Black Women In History ( Day 2: Mary McLeod Bethune )

Mary McLeod Bethune

Mary is someone in black history I look up to.  She was born in South Carolina 1875. She grew up with both parents both who had been slaves and in a house with 16 siblings. Mostly everyone did field work like picking cotton and farming.  Mary got a blessing when a school for African American children opened near by. By her attending that school she was able to share what she learned with her family. She had to walk miles everyday but did it because she was eager to learn all she could. She went on into life to actually earn a scholarship to Barber-Scotia College in North Carolina. She was so passionate about education she even went to Dwight Moody's Institute for Home and Foreign Missions and later became a teacher back in South Carolina.  

Mary believed that a highrr education was a way to advance as a African American. She started the Daytona Normal and Industrial Institute for black girls in Daytona, Florida, in 1904. Starting out with five students, she eventually increased it to 250 students over the next years.

With her school being such a success she created the National Council of Negro Women in New York. Franklin Roosevelt made her the director of the Division of Negro Affairs of the National Youth Administration.  She went on to ruffle a few feathers including the Ku Klux Klan who hated the work she was doing by helping blacks get educational skills. She was a powerful black women encouraging blacks to get vocational learning so they could provide for themselves instead of doing farm work. She worked with the NAACP and National Negro League.  Mary contributed to World War II by being a assistant director to the Women Army Corps and helped African American Women Who wanted to join the military. 

Mary was one of the world's leading educators, and activist. She later died in May 1955 leaving behind a legacy she is still being reward for. 

"I leave you a thirst for education. Knowledge is the prime need of the hour." Bethune closed with 'If I have a legacy to leave my people, it is my philosophy of living and serving. 

-Mary McLeod Bethune 

#BlackHistoryMonth - 28 Days Of Black Women In History ( Day 1: Sojourner Truth )

Sojourner Truth

Sojourner Truth was a African American women's activist. Very motivated, intelligent woman who spoke English and Dutch. She was born in 1797 into slavery in New york. Her real name was actually "Isabella Baumfree, " but gave herself the name Sojourner Truth. 

She had 3 of her children taken from her,  and sold. Back then black women children were taken so that the women could continue doing duties for the slave master. Also their children were looked at as valuable to become future slaves. As young as 5 these children were doing adult duties. In 1826 she escaped slavery with one of her daughters.  She went to court to get her son back and she won. She made history by becoming the first black woman to win a case against a white man in that manner. 

After that she used her strength and bravery to help encourage and empower other freed people. She was a motivational speaker who empowered other women. “Ain’t I A Woman?” was a speech she is most known for which she delivered at a women's convention in Ohio of 1851. 

Kerry Washington reads "Ain't I A Woman"

Sojourner traveled to Washington DC to meet with Abraham Lincoln and involved herself into getting work for freed people. She worked hard also trying to get a state for the ones who were free.  She used her strength to speak up about women's rights,  and freedom.  All she wanted was slavery to end peacefully,  and for women to have the same rights as men. 

She died in 1883 due to old age but she left a legacy that inspired many others. 

Colorism : When Being Black Is More Than A Ethnic Group

You would think in 2018 we would be a lot more aware.  Sadly I realized for myself that not every black person are actually Africans or African American. I came across a gorgeous dark skin Latina name Amara La Negra on the premiere season of Love & Hip hop Miami. I for the 1st time heard the term "Afro Latina." I had no idea that there were Latinas who were dark skin but weren't African. Sounds insane, but there are lots of others who had no clue. Did we not know,  or are we finally starting to listen?

 Amara La Negra who is 100% Latina had to provide pictures of herself and parents to shut down haters who accused her of darkening her skin.

The term colorism has also been going around due to Amara story on Love & Hip Hop Miami.  Racism &, Colorism are two different things that I think some people think are the same. Yes similar, but different.

________________________________________

"Colorism" are discriminatory acts against people based on the color of their skin.. For example brown skin. 

"Racism" is being prejudiced for your racial status.. For example African American. 

_______________________________________

"Afro Latina Says Identifying As Just Latina is Anti-Black"

There are other ethic groups whos race is black, but it doesn't mean they're actually African Americans. Afro Latinas are more known in Haiti, Dominican Republic, Cuba, and Puerto Rico. This may explain the lack of knowing here in the U. S.  Normally when you see a black person you automatically think they're African American.  When it comes to Afro Latinas most have said their own culture are responsible for putting one another down. The traditional Latinas looks like Jennifer Lopez.
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Dravidian's also come in different shades, mostly living in southern parts of India. The people up north India have fairer skin and are descendants of Aryans.

Being Indian and dark skin has its own challenges. It depends on the type of family you have. I read a article where one young lady talked about her aunt and uncle suggested skin lighting cream for her. She eventually let it get to her and started using bleaching creams. For a young child being told you should use skin lightning cream is something that will tear any womans self esteem down. 

South Asians deal with a lot of negativity from family members and peers all because of their darker skin too. Whiter skin is looked highly upon in some Asian countries. In Thailand tourists have noticed the whiter your skin is,  the better you were treated. In some Asian countries, darker skin is considered to be poor. Insane right?  Unfortunately in their eyes it isn't racism, it's what their culture standards have showed them. 
Racism is real and hurtful for me just being African American. What my peers fail to notice is colorism in our own culture. 

Colorism also exists in the black community. Many African Americans don't talk much about it, but it exists. Light skin vs dark skin.  The light skin girls in the urban communities were always considered more beautiful than the dark skin girls. It's not true, both are equally beautiful. For some men their idea of beauty is what they see in the rap videos. Long hair,  red bone. 

Back during slavery, "House Negros" was a term white slave owners used to describe lighter African Americans. They were considered to be more beautiful, and smarter just because their skin pigment was closer to theirs. It made some lighter skin slaves think they were better than the "Field Negros" who did hard labor in the yard. To keep it real,  in reality everybody was slaves with no damn freedom. So who wins? 

I am glad this topic was a big discussion and still is. We confuse racism a lot with colorism. Yes they both are wrong.  No one should be judged or mistreated due to their skin color or ethic group. I hope you enjoyed this post.  If you have any stories please contact me.  I am open to learn and hear your stories. 

NeveR ThE RighT TimE

Do you think it's true that everyone has a soulmate?  You know that person no matter what path you both take in life, the feelings always stay.  The person who knew you,  understood you,  and made you feel complete. 

But

It just wasn't the right time. You love them,  they love you but right then at that moment it just wasn't the right time for you two to be together.

You both or one of you could not be particularly ready to settle down.  You know that this person is the one for you but it just won't work out. Maybe both of you want different things in life.

The most devastating feeling is to have to love someone from a distance. Knowing you can't be together when all you want is them.  I believe the pain comes heavy having to watch them move on.  Never the right time is it?

People sometimes meet at the wrong time in life.  You may be in college or working on your career goals and they have their own thing going. Or you may be in a whole relationship with someone else and here he comes.  Messing up what you thought, was a good thing.

It's easy to say well if you love the person go be with them.  Easier said than done.
But real life shit happens.  Love has detours.  Sometimes you can get through it,  but sometimes you have to go another path. Get it!


Never the Right Time?
Or Not The Right One.

Never The Right Time

Never The Right Time, an album by Janine on Spotify

Make sure to check out past episodes of my podcast.  😗

STRAIGHT OUTTA PATIENCE: "With His Family"

Happy holidays to you all. I hope you have been keeping up with my podcast episodes. This 4th episode is perfect timing for the holidays.  You may be meeting your guys family for the first time, or spending the holidays with him and his family. Dealing with your man's family can either be amazing or a train wreck.

Sometimes you're just straight out of patience dealing with his family. Trust me I have experienced my share. You know you have had enough when you find yourself in the bedroom away from his family because you are minutes away from letting somebody have it.

Look I know you want to make a good impression. It is important to your man that you as his girlfriend or fiance get along with his family. No matter what they throw your way. Trust not every family member will be a pain, but you may have one that is really pushing it and asking to get slapped.

Men are sometimes blind to the disrespect their family members do. They feel like it's just their way of messing with you, and drilling you. But he needs to understand...this is not damn boot camp. You are his woman, they have to accept that you are his woman. Their favorite line is " DO NT BE SO OFFENSIVE, YOU JUST HAVE TO GET TO KNOW THEM"

See those smart comments, and interrogations can hit a nerve, especially if you're the new girlfriend.  Shade is shade. Joking is one thing, but if you feel shade, block it.

When your guy brings you around his family it can either go two ways. Either the last chick he was dating was so awful they are delighted to have you in his life. 

Or

They loved his ex so much they think you are just a waste of his time and a waste of their time and they want no parts of you girl.

Beware if he has sisters. I always felt brothers were easier to deal with. Men don't get into their brothers love life much, unless they feel like you're a gold digger. Majority of the time the sisters are known to give their brothers girlfriends a hard time.

If you feel like the smart remarks and other things you are dealing with his family are becoming a bit much talk to your man. Remember this is his family. Most men are in denial about their damn family and the uncomfortable vibes the girlfriends go though. So tell him how you feel but watch your words.  Saying the wrong thing could jeopardize your relationship. If he ignores you it's your decision to deal with the disrespect or walk away. Thinking that marriage or baby will help them accept you doesn't always work. Be cool, breath, walk away if a family member tries you. You don't want to be next year's holiday topic when he brings his new girlfriend. 

Who's Relationship Goals? 🤷‍♀️

Will be posted November 5, 2017

Episode 2: "Who's Relationship Goals ?"

Don't speak for me or others when you say #Relationshipgoals. I'm down for inspiring and motivating the single ones to have a relationship, but let's keep it real.  Those hashtag Relationship Goals memes aren't for everyone.  So who's relationship goals? 

As a millennial myself born in 1991 let me be the first to say majority of us don't have any idea what relationship goals are unless you grew up fortunate to see your parents show you by example. But lots of my generation are basing it off of social media and the reality shows.  It' has portrayed a picture that they are so perfect. Then things hit the fan and the Breaking News is, "He & She Are Divorcing After 72 Days". 

The fame,  the money is what people consider relationship goals. You do know people with money and fame have issues too? 

Example...  Singer Tamar Braxton & Manager Husband Vince Herbert from the reality show Braxton Family Values are calling it quits after a 9 year marriage. 

They were known as the power couple because they had TV shows,  money, artists he was managing like "Lady Gaga" and clothing lines. They seemed like the better modern day Ike & Tina without the beatings. Everyone knew them as that couple that did and went everywhere together. Just weeks before it was announced Tamar filed, they were seen loving it up as if they were going stronger than ever.  After a alledged abuse 911 call last year and rumor controlling ways he had over her. #RelationshipGoals turned out to be struggling. 

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Mary J Blige and ex husband Kendu Isaacs divorced after 12, years of marriage. Kendu was caught cheating and is currently receiving a big spousal support check after it all.  He was known as the good guy who got Mary clean and career back on track.  We looked at them as that couple still going strong. Everyone thought they were perfect.  But turns out Mary didn't think so.  She told Angie Martinez in a interview from March, 

"You start to realize that this man doesn’t want you and he’s just gone all the time and you’re by yourself in the relationship,” said Blige. “When you realize you’re by yourself and you’re just suffering through it, now it’s time to do some investigating"

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Trust me I know it isn't always a good idea to look at others relationships as goals. Truth is, there is nothing wrong with looking to other couples as inspiration and for advice.  Come on,  you have to be realistic. Cardi B & rapper Offset from rap group Migos are engaged after a few months of dating. Cardi B left a long relationship for her incarcerated ex. Lets give them more time to build their relationship before referring to them as relationship goals and not admire money,  making it rain, and icy jewelry. 

A couple of mines who I adore so much and their love story are Actor & Actress Cory Hardrict and Tia Mowry Hardrict. Both were featured on OWN new hit show "Black Love".  

This couple met when she was already a established actress from the hit sitcom "Sister Sister" and Cory was a struggling actor also working odd jobs trying to better himself in California. After giving him a ride along with her sister Tamera from a movie set they remained friends. She saw the kindness and ambition in him. 17 years they have been together married since 2008 with 1 son name Cree.  They admit it isn't easy, but it's real and they are each others support systems and best friends. Cory has gone on to star in American Sniper,  All Eyez On Me and lots more.

So ask yourself what does the couple have that will hold a stable, long, healthy relationship before you hashtag #Relationshipgoals.

Karma Is A B*tch

Have you ever heard the saying  "Karma's A B*tch before? What comes around goes around is a saying people use that means what negativity you put out will come back to you.  I am not a scientists or psychology major at all.  I do believe Karma is possible just from my own experiences and watching others. A great example would be stealing money from someone only to lose it right after.  That is karma.  You steal from someone and then someone steals from you.  Karma is strong and normally it will catch up to you. 

There are a lot of lucky people out there.  I believe if you do good,  good things will come to you.  Living a positive life is a choice and some people feel they never have good karma, even when they do good things.  Karma works fast and sometimes it works slow.  But future happiness is all about the good you put in the universe. Alot of countries give their own definition of Karma and what it stands for.  The main thing we all can agree on is that, Karma is hits you hard.

There are women who sleep with married men or taken men and have no care in the world or remorse. They think it's a game  and it's funny.  Karma Is A Big B*tch.  So always remember you lose them how you get them.

"I remember at age 20 I was in a 4 year relationship age 17-20. I remember basically finding out he was cheating on me and he didn't care If I found out and the girl he cheated with did not neither. I was pregnant at the time and I had a miserable pregnancy. I cried many nights,  I was depressed. I had basically been lied to and betrayed and harassed on my phone by the girl he cheated with.  Being pregnant you can't defend yourself much. I kept alot of it to myself and didn't tell friends or family.  Funny she thought she was popping because she supposedly took my man.  I can recall her saying "He Love Me Bitch". But 2 years after that breakup I got a message on Face book which I have to this day of her apologizing for what she did and how everything he put me through,  he is now putting her through. "

I don't wish harm to anyone and ladies you should not neither.  But remember to pray,  stay positive and let Karma take care your battles. I understand too that Karma takes to long sometimes lol.  You may want to seek revenge on the people who did you wrong yourself. But trust me girls,  Negative,  evil people always get a taste of their own medicine. Stay beautiful,  stay strong and keep it pushing. 

Check Out My Girls Talk London  Article Below As Well

http://www.girlstalklondon.com/are-side-chicks-winning-in-2017/

What A Girl Wants

What a girl wants? That's the million dollar question for men. Its something many men can't get understand.  Men over think situations.  Trying to figure women out would be easier if men actually listened. Many women are so unhappy in relationships be cause their guy just doesn't seem to understand them. The number one thing a woman wants, is to be happy. 

Being in a unhappy relationship is miserable. Love is important but happiness is a big part of love. A girl wants to smile every time she sees her man. A girl wants to get chills every time her man touches her. Not annoyed and angry every time he comes around. If a woman is not happy, a real man should do his best to find out why and fix things. Put effort into showing her you care. If she still isn't happy ,what matters is your effort.

Society has painted this picture where a man should protect and provide for his woman. In 2017 women are bosses and doing for themselves. Don't get misunderstood. That doesn't mean she wants a man with no car. Or a man who cant keep a job. If she loses her job or become sick, she wants to feel that he will hold it down. Stability in a man should be a goal when dating. Allot of women sadly don't have this. Trust me every woman wants a man with his shit together.

Respect also means "treat me how you want to be treated". Men are really getting disrespectful. Anything that will hurt her or embarrass her is disrespectful. A woman's pride and self esteem could be destroyed because of the disrespect he caused her. When it comes to respecting a woman, talk to her with respect. Putting her feelings in consideration is key. Lastly always putting her 1st. Never have these chicks laughing at your girl.

A girl wants a man who studies her body. Pleasing your woman sexually is key in a relationship. Women just want their man to please them, and treat their bodies like its theirs.  Listen to her desires and turn ons and offs.

Nothing is sexier then a man who has life goals. Who wants a bum with no goals, no life plans or future? A woman seeing her man try to accomplish his goals or become better is inspiring. Thrive to better yourself, even if you have reached your highest potential.

Women want to hear it from her man and not someone else.  Honesty is what women crave. Nothing hurts women more then a lie. Be honest with her is all she wants. Truth hurts, but lies hurt worst. 

Its a terrible feeling to not feel wanted on needed. We want to feel like he cares. Whether its returning her calls or texts, or asking how our day was. Little things add up to show us we are important. If she's craving your time ,make a effort to give her quality time and make her feel important .

I have yet to meet a woman who enjoys being cheated on. Who wants to share their man? I would hope no one. We women just want to be the only woman in our relationship with our guy. A scenario that of him and someone else is heart breaking enough.