Monday, February 10, 2020

Love & Lust | How to Tell the Difference Between Love & Lust

Have you ever had someone come into your life and they made you feel funny? Funny as in blushing, butterflies, or a much deeper feeling you couldn't really explain in words? You probably asked yourself , is this real? You becoming conflicted with your feelings and that is the moment you have to confirm if your feelings are lustful or true love. I know how it feels to have both.

I remember meeting this handsome dark skin  Jamaican guy and I remember our first conversation we had on video chat. During the call, all I kept thinking was,
 He was also admired by my looks. I was apparently his type of woman. Tall, brown skin, and thick. After we had become intimate I started feeling this deep intense feeling. See we both were so attracted to one another, we didn't really get to know one another that well. I remember he said " I'm so lucky to have you". We were both so hooked on each others sex appeal  blinded by the truth.  I recall we were one day watching television. It was that moment I realized wow....... I don't like him!

Those "funny" feelings I felt for him when I first saw him and after we were intimate was lust. The more he talked, I became more and more turned off. His values, lack of independence, childish behavior and sensitivity.  I also realized he didn't understand me as well. He would look at me so weird sometimes when I talked about politics or anything nerdy. Then when I would see him again I thought " he is so fine".  We really tried to force ourselves to make it work but every time we were not intimate and had to actually talk to one another, it was so awkward.

  • Lust is all about the physical attraction. It's a feeling and urge to want someone based off their looks or sex in my case. You don't really want to spend much time with a person when there is only a lustful attraction. Their goals, and likes and dislikes is not something you care to know when you have lusting feelings. Right after sex you don't want to lay in bed and talk. You would rather get your belongings and head back to the crib. True love takes time to develop, lust is impulsive. You probably thought it was love because of the seduction and excitement. You don't know that man! With my situation the lust normally slows down.

The moment I knew what real love felt like was when I ended up falling in love with someone who I became friends with first and it became a long distance situation. This guy was not like any man I had ever met. I always had a type of guy I dated when it comes to the physical. This guy wasn't that but we feel madly in love with one another and still are in love with each other. We would talk all day through text while being at work. We would send each other funny videos, and memes on social media and laugh. We would discuss music, politics, and all the nerdy things the Jamaican guy would look at me weird for. We went on for weeks just getting to know one another and not being physical due to the distance. 
We had such a deep affection for one another we became so close without being intimate. I never knew I was capable of falling for someone in such a strong spiritual way. We both were just happy. I remember I sent him a questionnaire that had 40 questions to help couples get to know one another on such a deeper level. We literally spent 3 days answering those questions throughout our day to day lives. The time came when we were finally intimate and alone and it was such a magical feeling that finalized how I  had already felt, and that was love. I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to just talk more, and stare into his eyes and be held. When he told me he loved me days later when I had left from my visit, it was like a weight had been lifted because I  loved him as well.
 Even as time has gone by and we cant be together due to our conflicting lives and the distance. I still have dreams about him, and see his face when certain things remind me of him. I really knew it was love when I tried dating after him and I ended up having a emotional break down after being intimate with someone else. I remember just walking away from the guy and he knew something was bothering me. I went to the bathroom and just broke down in tears, because I was in love with someone else and he was on my mind. I recall catching up with him and talking about having a hard time with us not being together and he shared that he had been having a hard time connecting with other women. Love is something that just doesn't fade away like lust does.

  • When it comes to true love you have no doubts if its love. The infatuation you have for this person causes you to think about them, dream about them, and  miss them when you're not together.  When you truly love a person you accept everything about them. If you don't understand something you are intrigued to get to know them.  Have you ever been with a guy and you felt safe and comfortable.?? When you're with someone that same comfort feeling you get coming home to your house is how you should feel when you're with this person. Every new relationship is exciting, and feels like a non stop roller coaster. Then one day maybe the roller coaster stops and you still feel deep feelings for this person, that is love. I heard a couple who are now married talk about how they would sit in the car and listen to music and talk for hours. The only intimacy they got was holding hands. By talking to someone and connecting with them on a emotional level is the gateway of possibly falling head over heels with someone. To close this article on a good note ,here are my 5 ways to tell you're indeed in love.

  1. Having a infatuation for someone. You admire them, you adore them. You feel blessed to have met this person and have them in your life. You feel passion when you are deep in conversation
  2. Sex is not a priority.  When their conversation and quality time is satisfying you.
  3. The relationship has ended but you still think about them, check their social media, and worry about them.
  4. You feel complete. If you always felt empty or lost in previous relationships but this person makes you feel whole. They make you feel happy and free to be yourself and nothing less.
  5. Lastly, you have planned your future with them. You know you want marriage, you know you want kids, and you know you want them without any hesitation.