Wednesday, July 31, 2019

What Is Your Love Language?

We all are unique in our own way. We look different, we talk different, and most importantly we love different. We all have our own way of expressing love and receiving love.When you share deep intimacy, passion, and commitment with someone, love develops. If you have experienced love you know it's a beautiful feeling, but sometimes not a good feeling if you can't express love. I had to learn my love language and learned how to pay attention to others love languages. 
 You can't fully love a person if you don't understand what their heart needs.

Singer and song writer Kehlani has a song titled "Love Language". In the song she starts off singing

"A lot of ways to love you
Teach me through your eyes

What is needed for you?"

Check out the 5 love languages from Gary Chapman's book published in the 90s. This book has sold more than 10 million copies. I got this book off Amazon and it was such a learning experience. Learning how you love and accept love could help improve the passion in your current or future relationships, even the ones non romantic.

Words of Affirmation
This language is all about voicing your love to the person. This is actually my love language. Telling me how you feel about me, and saying heartfelt things is the key to my heart along with the next love language on the list. Those small compliments you think are nothing means a lot to a person who has this love language.  But remember people with this love language may start to feel insecure.  They always need validation on where they stand in your life.

Acts of Service

We all have heard the saying,
This love language means exactly that. Don't just say you love me, prove it. This love language requires effort. This is the main love language people struggle with accomplishing. Your partner hears your words of affirmation, but your actions are not showing that. They have to see your kindness, and commitment to accept your love. 

Receiving Gift

I hear alot on how this next love language is materialistic. This love language is fine if that person has other love languages they need. This love language means gifting that person. You can take your girl car to get new tires. Or you can cook your guy dinner. This person wants something ssomething from you to know you still care.

Quality Time

People with this love language enjoy your company. Time together they want not interruptions. So leave your phone in your purse, or pocket. With social media, people with this love language have a hard time getting through to their partner. Understand they are not being selfish. If that person is not getting your attention their minds start to wonder. Engage more with these type of people.

Physical Touch

Last love language on the list involves physical affection. This doesn't involve just sex. People with this love language loves your kisses, and hugs. You may have a partner who holds you like a hostage at night. They feel love through touch. So those love hugs means alot.

Find out your love language

My results:

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

The Self Reflecting Woman

I am one of those people who can easily read people. I see the good and bad in others very well. I am very intuitive. I can sense a lot about people sometimes by just observing and watching them interact with others. That can sometimes come off as judgmental. People confuse being intuitive with actually being judgmental. If you rush to a negative conclusion about someone without actually talking to them and learning about them, you're judgmental. Many people are so critical of others and not themselves.

I can also read myself very well and study my own past behavior. The moment I became a woman was when I opened up to myself. Sometimes we are closed minded to ourselves because we are scared to know the real us. When you learn about who you're, it will help you handle situations better. You evolve by self reflecting.

One of the things I recently learned about myself was about my relationships. I am very spiritual, more than I am religious. If you don't understand what I mean, after this post go check out this article.


I go to spiritual advisers about certain aspects of my life. One told me "Kayla you can't make people do and feel how you want them to feel." I remember reading their response back and thinking, wow that was harsh! In reality I had to reflect and see the true meaning of that observation. Sometimes I tend to feel like a person should be obligated to treat me a certain way because I decided to treat them that way. Even with my communication. I am upfront, a bold communicator. I tend to judge others communication skills, if its not like mines. I have been looking for the perfect guy who does things like myself. Instead of the right guy for me and learning to understand his way of  doing things. Next,

I self sabotage my own relationships. This is a brave statement. I even heard Iggy Azalea admit this about herself:

 Every relationship I have ever had, has ended because of me. I tend to look for things that aren't there. I will lurk for things until I find something on a guy. Its like I'm scared of the possibility of getting hurt, so I find something bad in others to give me a excuse to leave before they actually do hurt me. I know that's deep, but its a self reflecting moment for me and its my biggest flaw. I really had to look at this certain situation I am in now. His indecisiveness scares me so bad I found myself picking him apart to friends about little things. It's like I was trying to find small bad traits to overshadow the good guy he is. I really had to check myself before I ruined the chance to see what could happen between us.

Even being in denial about liking him. I ended up calling him and getting a service not reachable message and go so worried about him since he was traveling for work.  Part of this problem is trust, yes I know.

We all have to self reflect on our past decisions and ways to understand who we are and why we react the way we do. Its all apart of self improving as a individual. You have to notice your amazing qualities but also be real enough to see your flaws, understand them and work on them. You can't always just self reflect and not work on your inner you. Some things near improvement because it's effecting your own life in a negative way. Once you actually look in the mirror and see who you are and get to know you, your life will change. You will be able to take control of your life because you now know the person you have to spend everyday with, yourself?