Is Sex On The First Date Okay?

If the drink is flowing, the conversation is electrifying, and the chemistry is there, who is to say it's not possible? You may be preparing for the first date or already went and decided to google " Is Sex On The First Date Ever Okay?"  Now you are here reading this feeling embarrassed. Don't! What I will do is tell you a little about my dating experiences and how sex on the first date has worked out for me. The first date is already pressuring at that. 

Many of us never go on a first date to have sex. You not only worry about your outfit, your hair, your breath but also grooming your private area just to be on the safe side. Ladies why do we always shave down there before going on our first date? Its the bad angel on our shouldering telling us, "Girl  Dont Forget To Shave Your Vagina In Case You Get Lucky"

Is Sex On The First Date Okay?

I will never tell you to pop it open on every first date you go on. If you are like me and have been on tons of first dates you know that is just not ideal or good women's health for your vagina. Some dates go so well that you feel like something special may develop from it. You know those dates where your nerves are all over the place. Soon as you see your date you get butterflies and the entire date goes awesome. It may go so well you go over to each other places to continue talking and things get heavy. It can easily happen to any of us. Sex is something special for many of us. To some people its just sex! If you truly value sex and are waiting for marriage let your date know you're not into that. It could go bad and they get turned off or they completely understand because they really like you. 

I would suggest to all my ladies out there to control your vagina on the first date. Yes, there are many stories out there of couples who had sex on the first date and now have 4 kids, a farm, and are happily married. 

That's real cute, but......

Who is to say that will happen to you? There is a 50% chance he may hit it and quit it. Or he may look at you as being easy. Thinking, all it took was tacos, margaritas, and a movie and she let me hit. I dont think like this but many men have some clouded judgment.  Many men like to think if they sleep around they are cool, but if a woman does it shes a whore. You get where I am going with this? I never want my ladies to get taken advantage of. So I would suggest holding it together on the first date. The first date should only be focused on getting to know one another. This will help you determine if they're worthy of a second date?

  If you're serious about dating and actually wanting to settle down, wait! Make him work for it. Make him court you, and fight to win you.

Also, you know what I have learned from dating? Men love a chase. When I date I have 2 rules on how to dress. It's either thighs or breasts?  My first date outfit will never show a guy too much of both. He has to make me his girlfriend to get that type of privilege.

My Sex On The First Date Experiences

What I noticed from my experiences is that guys entire fake routine ended. You know how guys try extra hard to even get a date with you. I have noticed that if they actually got the first date and happen to get the sex they weren't really into planning a second date after. They wanted to "chill". Which is code for "sex". They feel the courting doesn't have to continue. I have listened to many podcasts from men of all races, ages who talk like this. I would always be disappointed in myself because I always would say to myself after...

"KAYLA WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT"

Now that I have my sexual feelings under control and I'm responsible I dont even put myself in those situations. After the date, we both get in our cars and go home. 

I found by doing that, it leaves a guy with the only impression of you as a person. Everything you both talked about is still on their mind. Sex on the first date has never worked out the way I wanted it to. The guys always wanted to see me again but for other reasons. Literally, stalking me on when they were going to see me again.

So I Shouldn't Have Sex On The First Date?

Hopefully, you're an adult reading this. I can't tell you what to do. What I will say is figure out what you're doing. If you want to have fun and just enjoy life. Having sex on the first date is probably ideal for you if you really like that person. I suggest being safe and coming prepared. The last thing you want to do is be running to the pharmacy the next morning for a PLAN B pill. If you are looking to date and have a committed relationship like myself then save yourself. Truly take time to let guys know you for you. Don't put yourself in any settings where it can lead to intimacy. Go out enjoy your date and go home girl. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what men think of us or say. It's our body and we can do what we please with it.

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Why Dating Is Hard For Millennials

Hello to my fellow Millennials who are probably single struggling dating someone who actually takes it seriously. You probably strumbled upon this blog post from a simple google search. Don't leave just yet. Keep reading let's get into somethings. You and I both are probably going through the same thing. Nobody wants to actually date anymore. It seems like they want sex and that's it. You meet someone you talk for a few weeks and it goes nowhere. This is something we as millennials are struggling with. Who fault is it? 

Yes, we as a group born from 1981 -1996 are the reason. For one we all have no patience when it comes dating. Over the smallest things, we are quick to ghost someone and move on to the next.  Everything is so easy to get. We have dating apps where we can swipe left or right based on someone's looks. Then we have technology taking over our lives. When we do meet someone we spend more time on our phones than actually talking.  Just go to the best restaurant in your neighborhood and look around at how many younger couples are on their phones, not talking. 

Ladies we tend to give up our cookies to soon without allowing a man to court us and put in work. Many millennial men feel like they don't need to put in work into dating. When soon as they meet a girl they get sex. Men use to have to work for a kiss. Now they are getting a lot more than a kiss on the 1st date. 

Communication is definitely a big part of it. We all have too much pride. You will go days without calling someone you clearly miss just to prove a point. It's this petty behavior we have that has caused many of us to struggle to date. Many of the guys bottle up all their emotions inside without just saying how they feel to come off as this heartless thug. The ladies like to play mind games with men as if they are physics and know why you're mad.

With so many options out there to choose from easily. Everyone trusted is so jacked up. We don't trust easily to be 100 transparent with someone we want tod ate. Then the other person  is thinking you're seeing someone else because you are holding back

How To Date The Right Way As A Millennial

The best way to get over this is to grow up!  We have to stop playing these cat and mouse games. If you're not interested in someone let them know and stop ghosting people. If you're not ready for a serious relationship be upfront with what you want at the beginning. Ladies we have to hold on to our goods because yes it is our body but giving these guys sex so soon is not getting us anywhere but repeating the same thing with a guy after guy. Just look back on all the guys you have dated and see the pattern. We have put out what we want. If you want a relationship make him work to earn you. Men also have to stop being so greedy and treating women as a buffet. Yes, its good to keep your options open at a young age but once you commit it needs to be with one person. Lastly, let's talk more. Social media isn't going anywhere. Take time to get to know the person you see potential into their deepest core.

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Ghosting , Is It Ever Ok?

Would you judge me if I told you I have been the person to ghost people throughout my life? Not just when it comes to dating but family and associates as well. Is it right? Sometimes yes sometimes no. We are going to get into what ghosting is and when is it appropriate to ghost someone and when it's not.

Ghosting is a term used when you cut all communications with someone without their knowledge or an explanation. There are 2 reasons why someone may ghost you. One, they are a complete asshole. Two, they don't want to have any conflict by just telling you the honest truth. Ghosting has different ways of affecting a person depending on the connection level,  the amount of time you knew them, and what lead up to it. It can be very hurtful to just ghost someone who thought everything was going good, then they never hear from you again. 

" Why Do People Ghost "

One of the main reasons a person will ghost you is out of fear of telling you they just don't want to talk to you anymore. You may be thinking well that is such a wack reason. One thing I have learned when it comes to dating is that many people don't know how to communicate, especially when it comes to an awkward conversation. Instead of being real with you, some people will rather cut all communication. Avoid you in public, block your number, or leave you on "read".  Another reason why some people move throughout life ghosting people is that they're shitty people. Your feelings don't matter to them. So when they are done with you, they're literally done with you and cut off all communication. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is the honest truth. Some of you are waiting for someone to have the courage to reach out and they never will. They are horrible people who probably do this for fun. 

Have you ever watched that show Catfish on MTV? So many people get their heart broken because they got themselves into online relationships and because the person isn't who they claimed they were, lots of them have stories of being ghosted.

"When Is It Ok To Ghost Someone & When Is It Not?

Sometimes you may meet people who have read flags that make you feel uneasy. You want to cut ties with them but your gut is telling you they may not take it well. In those cases, I feel it is completely okay to ghost someone. Especially if this person has shown aggressiveness towards you before. You know when someone shows you signs they're cray-cray. I have grown as a woman and started telling people I don't want them in my life. Many men have cursed me out and got really disrespectful.

Never put your life in danger for nobody. If you feel like someone will not take rejection well then ghost them and move on.  Some people don't take rejection well. They just flip out no matter how nicely you say it. When you have been dealing with someone on an intimately level and have built a connection that is when it's not okay to ghost someone. You can't just go throughout life playing with people's feelings and leading them on. If you feel like the relationship is toxic, or you're not happy, then politely tell them that. Text, facetime, Instagram, etc. Just don't walk out someone's life without an explanation when they have shown complete interest and commitment in getting to know you. That is very corny to be kicking it with someone for weeks or months then disappear on them.  It leaves them worried and confused with unanswered questions. It's very hard to move on from something like that. The fear of getting close with someone thinking they may leave too seems to follow you.

.....My Ghosting Experience

I went through a stage after leaving a toxic 4-year relationship in 2012. In 2013 I went on a dating spree. I was dating with nobody feelings in consideration. I didn't want to be serious with anyone. I was still hurt and wanted to feel like I was still that girl. I met a few amazing guys and a few losers. I would date them, then drop them and move on to the next. I would go on dates knowing I wouldn't keep in touch with them after. Didnt explain myself would just ghost them all. They would try to find me on social media, or call from different numbers. It was crazy. Being in my late 20s now looking back, I feel so bad. I know that some of the guys were really great men.At that time I was newly single, heartbroken, with little self-esteem. I also have ghosted many people I use to be friends with and family members because I didnt want them in my life anymore because they were toxic for my life. I didnt want to deal with the conflict of arguring. Once I was done with you, I was over it and the person. I always assumed they will figure it out. I moved on with my life and left peoiple behind and no it isnt right. Now I know that. 

Ways To Recover From Someone Ghosting You? 

1. The best tip I can give you is to not go crazy trying to track them down. Sometimes when you have been ghosted there is this urge of wanting to know, why? That's okay but you can't put too much energy into trying to find a person who didn't want to be in your life. Don't stalk them neither. 
2. Don't put the blame on yourself. Remember they never gave you an explanation of what the reason was. You can't feel guilty for someone you don't even know.
3. Spend time with the people who actually want you in their life. Don't put all your energy into a person who ghosted you, Enjoyed your friends and family

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Soulmates And Twin Flames

For years I went through life not knowing what true love was until I accidentally fell in love with someone in 2018. It was the type of situation where I wasn't looking for anyone but found someone I had an immediate attraction to from the moment I said hello. Due to our distance and living different lives, we couldn't actually make it work. After years have gone by isn't it crazy when I think about him constantly I suddenly get a notification from him. The fact you can

actually feel and know what another person is feeling or thinking about you miles away.

That is some freaky ish right? I started to do my research. I wanted to know what this connection was that we had with one another. I came across the terms soulmate and twin flame love. I knew that every other guy I thought I loved before wasn't real. The connection was electrifying. It felt as if we met before and we found each other again. You may be thinking well if that is the case why are you not with him? What I have learned about these connections is that sometimes you meet your twin flame or soulmates and timing isn't right. Let us get into the difference and how I determined what we had.

The term soulmates is probably a term you have heard before right?  A soulmate is someone you share a deep natural emotional connection with. It can sometimes be family or friends but in this case, we are talking romantically. When you have found your soulmate it feels like home. Meaning you feel completely comfortable being yourself with them all the time. Never uncomfortable or awkward. We all are souls who live on this earth and some of us encounter one another and feel complete. Your soulmate just being in your life makes you want to be a better person and inspires you in all aspects of your life. The soulmates that come in your life help us evolve into our best selves. Please don't think I am saying soulmates will come into your life and you will be together forever.  Their entrance into your life is memorable and leaves a lasting impression on your life. We all have soulmates but do we all have a twin flame?

Unfourtaunaly we all do not have a twin flame. Does that mean something is wrong with you? No, it doesn't. Twinflames' purpose in life is much bigger than the idea of a soulmate and doesn't always mean romantically.  Let us get into the real deal with twin flames.

Twin flames are two people whose bodies were split but they share the same soul. 

 To better explain it, think of your soulmate times two with a cherry on top. The sad part of having a twin flame is you have only one. You and your twin flame come into each other's life to teach each other lessons that the other needs. Most cases when the twin flames come into each other lives and the lesson is complete it doesn't guarantee you a lifetime with them. Most situations I have heard of people who have encountered a twin flame that tends to end with heartbreak but it provides growth. See soulmates complete you, twin flame love is like a coach pushing you to be better. It is probably intense, and emotional. Healing in anything is never easy so this love encounter won't be easy. Knowing you found your twin flame is normally found out once the lesson is complete. What attracts you to your twin flame is an intense emotional connection of feeling familiar with someone. It's like waking up looking in the mirror and you recognize this person because it's you. If you have ever had a twin flame connection lets just say you're lucky and blessed because the universe brought you two together. This love connection forces you and the other person to complete the lesson no matter how hard you try to fight it.

" Soulmate or Twinflame "

You may be thinking how will I know? This is when you have to use your intuition to study the connection you had with someone. Do your research, talk to others who have encountered both or talk to a spiritual advisor. How I determined my love with this guy was observing how our relationship started and after we parted ways. At first, before I knew the difference between a soulmate and twin flame have I thought we were soulmates. Today in 2020 I know for a fact we were twin flames. I know this now because the lesson was complete. We both felt so attached at the moment we said hello. I still remember the electrifying feeling of our first phone conversation. We both had trust issues and we both never had the type of love from someone where we felt loved back. In our situation, we both loved one another deeply. The lesson we both learned was LOVE IS REAL. We both had been in situations before where love was questionable. I now know what love feels like. I now know what love is. He knows what love is. Because our lives and having daughters living on the west coast and east coast made it difficult to be together. Our souls are one because some nights when I have a hard time sleeping I know he is somewhere in deep thought thinking about me. To understand what I mean you would have had to feel this feeling.  Our souls are fighting to be together that is why as we date other people we seem to always have difficulty because our souls want each other. But that doesn't mean you have to be with your twin flame. In my case life has to go on.

 You have many soulmates you will encounter in life who can complete you as well.

As I end this post please never allow yourself to be stuck in a toxic relationship with as a**hole because you think its a twin flame connection. There is a lesson in this and it is positive. If someone purposely hurts you or cheats, or abuses you that is not a soul mate or twin flame love that is just toxic. 

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The Strong Black Woman: Why Is So Much Burden Placed On Black Women?

Many of my black sistas understand the term "strong black woman" and what comes with it. Some of us have endured so much from a young age that has made us tough and sometimes guarded. We have been drugged through the mud by other races and even by the men who share the same skin complexion as us. The way we style our hair many either don't approve or just stare with confusion. The unique beautiful features we were given that others have made fun of. From our different shades of melanin. To our beautiful luscious lips that come in all sizes. To constantly hearing the stereotypes of being the "Loud Angry Black Woman". I could go on for hours but I wanted this to be the introduction of what many of us black women go through that has made us into the.....

In the words of Malcolm X, 

"The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman." -Malcolm X

Many black women are called weak when we bring up the term mental disorder. Even if we speak out about our struggles we are called lazy. They assume that no matter what we go through from poverty, racism, sexism, or abuse we can handle it. Yes, black women can handle a lot but it's not okay to have that much burden put on us. The stress that comes with that is affecting our health. Studies have shown that black women are more likely to die at a younger age. Even during hospital visits, black women's symptoms are not taken as seriously. With everything, we have endured and currently are going through we always find a way to turn a lemon into lemonade. Just because we are strong that doesn't mean its okay for us to have that burden placed on us.

The term strong black woman was created within our community. We are expected to accept less, deal with hardships, and settle for men who have no potential. At such a young age many black girls were handling the responsibilities of an adult woman. When we should have been focusing on our academics, making friends, and enjoying life. Not watching a house full of siblings, cooking, and cleaning the house every day from top to bottom. The cycle started with our mothers who experience the same thing. So many black women are single mothers. With being a single parent the role of father and mother is then put in place. You may be thinking, "whose fault is that'? The system was never set up for blacks to succeed, but blacks had to figure out loopholes to get pass it. The care that many black women need isn't available. So many black communities don't have domestic abuse shelters or affordable therapist. The churches were always considered the place to go seek guidance if you felt it was a safe space.

The best way to get through this is to not take on the weight of the world. We all battle through struggles and if no one else will be there for us we can be there for one another. Black women deserve equality and the same justice that other women of races get. We truly deserve so much more respect. When our kids go missing, we deserve the same national news to report it. We deserve to have accurate diagnoses during our doctor visits. We deserve to have the police protect us when they are called out for domestic disputes.  The more we speak out and stop being silent someone will hear us. So many of us stay quiet in fear of being labeled. When it comes to our mental, emotional, and physical health we should never be silent. Most importantly we need our black men who we birthed to be our kings and have our back. To many of us are carrying the weight of the black men and black woman. Support us, love us, fight for us, and most importantly respect us the same way we do. We have improved ladies it isn't all bad. Over the past 5 years, black women have been the fastest-growing group of entrepreneurs. Let's turn our dollars into the communities we come from and create the support we need for ourselves. If they don't got us, we got us!

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|WE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY| (Featuring Panel Of Black Podcasters )

Today I gathered a group of amazing #BlackPodcast shows to come together and talk about the #GeorgeFloyd murder, the riots, and what we as a #BlackCommunity can do. Please follow each of these amazing individuals and their platforms **Real Talk With Ghost and Big G** @ghostandbig_g https://linktr.ee/ghostandbig_g **Confessions From A Red Couch** @confessionsfromaredcouch https://linktr.ee/redcouchconfessions **Purring Kitty Cat Podcast** @purring.kitty.cat https://anchor.fm/purring-kitty-cat **Millennials vs The World Podcast**' @millennialsvstheworld_podcast https://linktr.ee/millennialsvsthewor... **Melated Mom Podcast** @melanatedmompodcast https://linktr.ee/melanatedmompodcast **Smoke n Sip Podcast** @smokensippodcast https://open.spotify.com/show/3Tgzslp... **M.I.S.S. Talks Podcast (May I Speak Sincerely** @misstalkspodcast https://linktr.ee/MISSTALKS

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Kayla Got The 411 Podcast-Episode 25: The Exes From The Past

What is The 411:

• #Drake showing off his son Adonis online but social media being in confusion.
• #Lizzo constantly being attacked. We discuss why and get deep into "Plus Size Women"

**Guy/Girl Talk Discussion: We talk on exes coming back wanting to settle unfinished business or get a 2nd chance. Do you dead it or hear them out?

Featuring Special Guest :

@mollywiththemost

https://linktr.ee/MollyWithTheMost

@blu_duke_jr

http://www.soigpodcast.com/

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Episode 25: The Exes From The Past

What is The 411: #podcasts #Drake showing off his son Adonis online but social media being in confusion. #Lizzo constantly being attacked. We discuss why and get deep into "Plus Size Women" Guy/Girl Talk Discussion: We talk on exes coming back wanting to settle unfinished business or get a 2nd chance. Do you dead it or hear them out? Featuring Special Guest : @mollywiththemost https://linktr.ee/MollyWithTheMost & @blu_duke_jr http://www.soigpodcast.com/

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#WhoppingWednesday | How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

Love & Lust | How to Tell the Difference Between Love & Lust

Have you ever had someone come into your life and they made you feel funny? Funny as in blushing, butterflies, or a much deeper feeling you couldn't really explain in words? You probably asked yourself , is this real? You becoming conflicted with your feelings and that is the moment you have to confirm if your feelings are lustful or true love. I know how it feels to have both.

I remember meeting this handsome dark skin  Jamaican guy and I remember our first conversation we had on video chat. During the call, all I kept thinking was,

.

 He was also admired by my looks. I was apparently his type of woman. Tall, brown skin, and thick. After we had become intimate I started feeling this deep intense feeling. See we both were so attracted to one another, we didn't really get to know one another that well. I remember he said " I'm so lucky to have you". We were both so hooked on each others sex appeal  blinded by the truth.  I recall we were one day watching television. It was that moment I realized wow....... I don't like him!

Those "funny" feelings I felt for him when I first saw him and after we were intimate was lust. The more he talked, I became more and more turned off. His values, lack of independence, childish behavior and sensitivity.  I also realized he didn't understand me as well. He would look at me so weird sometimes when I talked about politics or anything nerdy. Then when I would see him again I thought " he is so fine".  We really tried to force ourselves to make it work but every time we were not intimate and had to actually talk to one another, it was so awkward.

• Lust is all about the physical attraction. It's a feeling and urge to want someone based off their looks or sex in my case. You don't really want to spend much time with a person when there is only a lustful attraction. Their goals, and likes and dislikes is not something you care to know when you have lusting feelings. Right after sex you don't want to lay in bed and talk. You would rather get your belongings and head back to the crib. True love takes time to develop, lust is impulsive. You probably thought it was love because of the seduction and excitement. You don't know that man! With my situation the lust normally slows down.

The moment I knew what real love felt like was when I ended up falling in love with someone who I became friends with first and it became a long distance situation. This guy was not like any man I had ever met. I always had a type of guy I dated when it comes to the physical. This guy wasn't that but we feel madly in love with one another and still are in love with each other. We would talk all day through text while being at work. We would send each other funny videos, and memes on social media and laugh. We would discuss music, politics, and all the nerdy things the Jamaican guy would look at me weird for. We went on for weeks just getting to know one another and not being physical due to the distance. 

We had such a deep affection for one another we became so close without being intimate. I never knew I was capable of falling for someone in such a strong spiritual way. We both were just happy. I remember I sent him a questionnaire that had 40 questions to help couples get to know one another on such a deeper level. We literally spent 3 days answering those questions throughout our day to day lives. The time came when we were finally intimate and alone and it was such a magical feeling that finalized how I  had already felt, and that was love. I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to just talk more, and stare into his eyes and be held. When he told me he loved me days later when I had left from my visit, it was like a weight had been lifted because I  loved him as well.

 Even as time has gone by and we cant be together due to our conflicting lives and the distance. I still have dreams about him, and see his face when certain things remind me of him. I really knew it was love when I tried dating after him and I ended up having a emotional break down after being intimate with someone else. I remember just walking away from the guy and he knew something was bothering me. I went to the bathroom and just broke down in tears, because I was in love with someone else and he was on my mind. I recall catching up with him and talking about having a hard time with us not being together and he shared that he had been having a hard time connecting with other women. Love is something that just doesn't fade away like lust does.

• When it comes to true love you have no doubts if its love. The infatuation you have for this person causes you to think about them, dream about them, and  miss them when you're not together.  When you truly love a person you accept everything about them. If you don't understand something you are intrigued to get to know them.  Have you ever been with a guy and you felt safe and comfortable.?? When you're with someone that same comfort feeling you get coming home to your house is how you should feel when you're with this person. Every new relationship is exciting, and feels like a non stop roller coaster. Then one day maybe the roller coaster stops and you still feel deep feelings for this person, that is love. I heard a couple who are now married talk about how they would sit in the car and listen to music and talk for hours. The only intimacy they got was holding hands. By talking to someone and connecting with them on a emotional level is the gateway of possibly falling head over heels with someone. To close this article on a good note ,here are my 5 ways to tell you're indeed in love.

1. Having a infatuation for someone. You admire them, you adore them. You feel blessed to have met this person and have them in your life. You feel passion when you are deep in conversation
2. Sex is not a priority.  When their conversation and quality time is satisfying you.
3. The relationship has ended but you still think about them, check their social media, and worry about them.
4. You feel complete. If you always felt empty or lost in previous relationships but this person makes you feel whole. They make you feel happy and free to be yourself and nothing less.
5. Lastly, you have planned your future with them. You know you want marriage, you know you want kids, and you know you want them without any hesitation.

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Kayla Got The 411 Show: Officially On Youtube

 I am exited to officially be on #youtube. Every week but mostly on Saturdays there will be a line up giving you all the 411 on whats going on. From politics, celebrity news and hot topics. This week I talk on DABABY being arrested. The attack on Blue Ivy and other black women and a possible WWIII. Check out the videos below.

Also every Wednesday is Girl Talk where I will be talking relationships, life and everything we women go through. Also one lady will get a shout out at the end of each showing promoting their business or brand