Trust Issues

You may hear people jokingly say "I got trust issues". Normally when I say it people never really take it serious until a incident happens. Any of you who struggle with trust may know the feeling of always being anxious. Or always feeling like somebody is trying to hurt you. Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves.

Then you have those people who are in denial. They don't believe they have trust issues but they can never fully give a person their all, or in fear of being taken advantage of. Here are some serious signs of trust issues.

1. You always assume someone is out to hurt you, or get you. No matter what they do. You have negative thoughts in your mind about them. Even without them actually betraying you.
2. You are overly protective. Every good thing in your life, you self sabotage it, out of fear of getting hurt.
3. You distance yourself from getting to know people. The easiest way you avoid getting hurt is staying to yourself.
4. You don't easily forgive. Once a person crosses you, they are done for life. Even if you are unsure you still cut them off just to make sure.
5. You look for the bad. People with trust issues always seem to look for the bad before it begins. It's a way to stop the bad from happening before it begins.

People who don't struggle with trust never fully can understand a person with trust issues. You can feel sometimes hurt by being judged or misunderstood for your actions. Betrayal is a life damaging thing, especially when its done by a spouse, friend or family member. That deep hurt follows you and never seems to leave. Your mission is to never allow anyone to hurt you again. Its like constantly walking around with a bullet proof vest on your heart.

My trust issues run deep going back to my child hood. Having everyone around me constantly lie to me. Then it lead into toxic relationships. Where  men lied so much, then tried to cover the lies up. I would fall for the lies all over again. I remember spending 4 years with a guy who lied so much about his cheating. I was so dumb I would actually believe that those girls who wrote me saying "he my man" were actually lying and trying to break us up...

I recall on our 4th year this one particular girl came into the picture.

You can read more about this situation here: karma-is-btch .

I kept asking him was he messing with her. He denied it. I remember crying to him and he literally looked me in my eyes and said she was lying. I remember I told the girl send me proof, because I don't believe you. I woke up with a message from her. She sent me a picture of her sitting on his lap at his sister house in her living room. Yes y'all, a picture of them together.

I called him right after going the hell off. I remember balling in tears, and he still was denying it. His entire family had even lied to me when I would ask them. These people smiled in my face but knew all along. They would call me "sis". That man took all the trust I had when we broke up. Each guy I dated I would investigate them just to protect myself before catching feelings. Soon as I found something questionable I would end it. Then I went though a stage not even dating for a while. It was my way of trying to avoid possible getting hurt again. All the signs of, TRUST ISSUES!

People who have trust issues normally ruin good opportunities out of fear. Getting over this is not easy. I still struggle with it, but I am learning that you have to find someone worthy and can prove that everyone is not the same. To conquer those trust issues you will need a strong support system. Trust means putting confidence into someone or something. Also building self esteem in yourself can help overcome this. Most of all having confidence in yourself. Take all those bad situations and trust your instincts. We know the signs now, let's make better decisions on who we allow in our life. I'm not saying we will never possibly get hurt again,just be fearless and take a risk in order to find out.

Understanding The Mind Of A Man

Men are really simple but complicated at the same time. They don't want much, but what they do want they normally don't say it. Perfect example is having him text back ,OK. Men are not emotionless. They feel, and they care. Their communication is a lot different from us ladies. If he says its good, maybe its not good and you should attempt to figure out what he is thinking. Let's be honest now. Men really hold back allot to avoid arguments and hurting our feelings. I have gathered some ways to help us figure out exactly what they want from us.

1.To Be Left The F**k Alone

Ladies some of you really know how to push a mans buttons. Your guy may work long hours or he is busy. You may be wondering why he is so quite. Its because he needs time alone. All day long he is hearing from you, and probably not pleasant things. So when you finally see him, he appears to have a attitude. He just wants a day or few hours to be left alone. Men need quality time to themselves too. Pay attention to his lack of engagement in a conversation. Some women want to be under a guy 24/7. He had a life before you, and its important you both have have individuality. He still cares about you but maybe you're starting to smother him. He probably wont tell you that because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So back off give him a night with the boys.

2. Step Inside His World

Most men are heavy into sports. Sometimes guys want you to try the things they're passionate about. Every time he watches ESPN you probably complain. Instead of complaining join him a few times and try to learn the game. Whatever his skill or passion js take interest in it. Everything doesn't always have to be about you.

3. He Is Hard Up

Your guy wants you to take control and ride it like a stallion sis.

His mood swings and short patience probably means he is wanting some sexual attention from you. Instead of him initiating it, how about you take control. Now I know this may be hard especially for the ones like myself who are submissive in the bedroom. But just pay attention to the freaky remarks he says. Feed your guy sexually appetite without him having to ask you sometimes.

4. " Can I Speak Now"

When men do express their feelings, it is important to listen. You will be surprised to know how many men feel l
they can't talk to you because you don't listen. We talk to be heard, but we have to be able to listen. If you notice he doesn't engage in deep conversations or checks out. Ask yourself why? No man wants to listen to how you feel and not be able to express their feelings. Moral of the story, girl shut up and listen.

5. Keep the Peace

A lot of guys want peace. Sometimes we have baggage from previous relationships and bring it into new ones. Men don't want to constantly be arguing or questioned. It's a headache for men to even want to be around you in fear a argument will start. Try to keep the peace and let petty stuff go.

6. "There Goes My Baby"

Men love to show their girl off but you gotta be worthy of showing off. When its date night maybe get sexy for your guy. Get out the leggings and get dolled up a little more than often. Yes he loves you, but he deserves to see you in your best instead of leggings and a hair wrap. Its important to love yourself, but if you're in relationship, remember to take care of his needs too.

"Mothers Love" #HappyMothersDay

Happy mothers day to all the mothers in the world. Whether you were in labor for 12 hours, adopted a child, or have step children you love as your own. Today is probably one of those days that all moms finally feel appreciated. Being a mom is one of the biggest accomplishments you will ever have in your life. You birthed a child, you take care of another human being. Its not as easy as it seems. Babies want to put everything disgusting in their mouths, kids love to attempt to run out in the middle of the street soon as you look away for 3 seconds. It's hard trying to keep them healthy and alive but we do. Its a mothers love that can't be taught.

I remember finding out I was pregnant in 2012. I don't recall whether I cried of disappointment at that exact moment but my biggest fear was telling my mother. Being a 21 year old newly single college student barely paying the bills the last thing I needed was a extra mouth to feed. I remember calling my mom and I said" I'm pregnant". My aunt was in town at her house visiting and I heard my mom go silent. She was leaving to go into a private room. First she asked "what are you going to do?" I said keep it. She said," okay we will figure it out." It was only a few weeks after I had found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and he moved out our apartment while I was left with all the bills. The fear I had being in Atlanta all alone, pregnant. Working part time and in school full time. Throwing up for hours at night. Having to get up early that morning to go to class then work. I always say my daughter was a miracle child. The amount of stress I had during that pregnancy and still had a healthy child was a miracle.

No one taught me how to be a mother. What I did know was that I wanted my child to be happy and have her mother. I didn't want anyone else taking credit for raising my child. That's just a mothers love. To provide & protect. You don't know how you will do it but the love you have for them is what helps you do it. I am here queen she tells me. She wants to be just like me. So everything I do, every decision I make is because of her. Some people look at us and see the rainbow, but no one saw the storm it took to get to that rainbow. See children only see their mommy. No matter what else is going on they see and love their mother.

Happy mothers day to all you beautiful mothers out there. I always have a special place in my heart for single moms. We play the role of mommy & daddy. Its not easy but its definitely a challenge.

"LOVE ME NOW"

"Give me my flowers while I'm living". That saying means, tell your loved ones you love them while they're here. If you love someone, they should know how you feel. Diddy lost the mother of his 3 children Kim Porter not too long ago due to pneumonia. He was with her for years and constantly cheated on her, had children on her and never married her. He spent 10 years with now ex girlfriend Cassie following the separation. Many fans have slammed Diddy in comments for shouting his love for her through social media, now that she is gone. Some wonder, if she was such a good woman, and great mother why didn't he show this love to her while she was alive? Diddy has replied back to a few fans admitting he made a mistake:

I always tell people how I fell, whether bad or good because it helps relieves stress for me. If I love you, you will know it. The hardest thing is losing a loved one, or a partner and never having the chance to tell them how much they meant to you. Even if I write you a 4 page letter and you never respond at least I let you know and that's enough for me.

My ex and I were talking for 2 years. He always says he is not a affectionate guy, so saying sweet things is not what he does. Throughout those 2 yrs I wasn't ready for a relationship because my previous serious relationship drained me, but I always wanted him to express his love for me and tell me I" love you", and not "You know how I feel about you". How could I know if he didn't tell me? Years went by and he has dated other women and I recently fell in love last year with another guy. I wasn't planning to but when I met this guy it just felt so strong from the moment we said hello. It was a unique and interesting love but it was real for me. Unfortunately we didn't work out due to irreconcilable differences but I still love him very much. My ex and I had a talk where I was opening up about this same guy I fell in love him and the problems we were having. He came out of no where and told me he will always be here for me, and he will always be in love with me. I remember being shocked. I said "Wow, since when", jokingly?  He said he always loved me and I should knew that. He also said he wants me to be happy. I never knew he loved me because he never told me he loved me. If I knew this years ago, just maybe I would of been open to working things out. Now I no longer love him. I moved on and ended up falling in love with someone else. The lesson in that was telling people how you feel when you still have them.

Don't be regretful. Give that person a hug, tell that person you love them. Life is short and tomorrow is not promised. 

Spring & Summer 2019 Trends

The best part about the warm weather is shopping from the spring line in fashion. In my opinion, the spring collection is a major deal and the best season of fashion. Everyone loves the idea of dressing their best for spring and summer. So I myself love keeping up with the trends especially when I have some upcoming trip or an event. I have read both Vogue, and Elle trends of 2019 and gathered what I feel the average person can pull off. Let's start with my favorite, Neon.

Most of the everyday fashion sites are big on neon right now. The slime green is really a heavy hitter. You must have neon some where in your closet. Its bold and doesn't take much to style, the color itself is a statement.

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This next classic theme are the retro sunglasses, which were a big hitter last year. I am seeing the styles more futuristic this year. They are hippy, 70s and funky but still giving you a coming to the future type vibe. I love this trend and you can easily get these anywhere from eBay, Amazon to or Wish for a great price.

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The great thing about this trend is you don't need to wear actual snake skin. You can pull off the look with the snake skin pattern. This is really a trend I always wanted to rock but never could really find many pieces. Now they are easy to buy at any retailer. Its sexy and bold. Go for it!

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Then lastly is the Monochromatic trend. This consist of wearing different pieces of the same exact color. Some people suggest you use the same color scheme, but I think it takes away from the fun. Stick to the exact same color. This is very easy to do, and will definitely make you a show stopper.